Back home.

Hiya!

I've been back for over two months now. Slowly but surely South-Africa is turning into a fading memory, an ever so fond one. Not a day goes by without I think back at that amazing experience. Every day a photo that was taken during those four months comes up and takes me back to the exact moment it was taken. Incredible memories around every corner, and it makes closing that period so damn difficult.

I spent four months in Pretoria, South-Africa. Possibly the best four months of my life. It was my first ever trip like this. I went on a roadtrip with friends (and my sister), changed from nurse to teacher, lived on my own (kinda with only 10 other students), and just had the best time ever. All the new people I met with such inspirational stories, the new places I visited, the different kinds of food I tried, the new cultures I dived into. So many new things I can barely fathom them, still. 

During those months my comfort zone was nonexistent. I've never lived in the moment as much as then. No worrying about tomorrow or next week, hell I didn't even take a glance at what I would be doing the next year. To live in the moment was my favourite thing. It was just that day and what had to be done that day. Even if not all of those things got done the world just kept spinning and I just postponed it to the day after. In South-Africa things were easier, the world even seemed like a better place there. Just me, my amazing internship and even better housemates. 

But now I'm back, back to the tiny village that I have called my home since birth. The town where my roots are. However, when I left for South-Africa those roots got cut loose and ever since I came back I haven't been able to feel grounded. It feels as if I'm floating just a few centimetres above the ground. I'm back with all these familiar things yet they feel utterly strange. Like I've never seen them before. It is as if all my roots have disappeared and I'm lost.

Back home the world has picked up it's pace, it's spinning ten times faster than before. I'm freaking out, I can't keep up. I run and run, trying to keep up with everything I have to do today, tomorrow, and next week. My mind isn't in the moment it's on next year and it feels so strange. Life has never been this chaotic before and I hate it. Every day I miss South-Africa a little more, it's easiness, my life and friends there, and how today was today and not next year.  

There is so much stuff going on in my life that I don't even know where to start. I've never felt this lost before and without my roots there is nothing holding me in place. I'm being pushed in every direction, task to task, deadline to deadline. No place gives me a sense of peace. My head is spinning endlessly. I can't go on like this, I need my roots back. But where have they gone? My hometown has lost them. 

Somewhere there is a place for me? Where, I have not a clue. If you know, please give me a heads up. Until then I'll keep running after my life, without even a sense of control of it. I'll follow it where ever it will lead me. Hopefully to a place I can touch the ground again. Where my roots will start to grow further and further in the ground. A place where I am in control of my life again, instead of it constantly passing me by. A time where South-Africa will be more than a sad memory. 

I can't wait for that!
ThatDutchGirl96