Hiya!
Let me share something with you. I am absolutely shattered. My energy levels are below acceptable. Social life, school, internship, the whole bunch is becoming more and more of a challenge with every day.
Ever since I got back from South-Africa my energy levels started decreasing ever so slightly but now they've reached an all time low. It's awful and it couldn't have chosen a worse time. I'm trying to graduate here?! Hello, at least be considerate?! No. Well I guessed so.
I'm starting to feel more and more tired and with that more and more useless. I'm even beginning to take a nurse approach on my own life. Control your activities, don't overwork yourself, make sure to rest before you over-exhaust yourself. Well it's too late for all of those. By now I can manage no more than one activity a day. And with a life like mine which hasn't much of a social life but volunteering activities all the more and a busy uni period; being able to do just one activity a day is barely possible. Three days a week I have to bee at internship, one other day is filled with 2 hours of education. The other three days are filled with my part time job, volunteering activities and sometimes even something social. However this leaves little to no time for the essays I need to write and damn deadlines are coming closer.
In conclusion it's not wanted and neither is the timing of my exhaustion any good. So this week my mum (yes not even me, my mum) decided she has had enough of my endless naps and lack of motivation. It was time I got myself together again. It was time for a visit to the GP. Yay....
So there I went. I told the secretary I was there and then spent over half an hour waiting. Nothing unusual there for GP business.
Finally, after almost falling asleep in my chair right there, the GP called my name. I stood up and followed her where she asked about my problems. Did all the general measurements as oxygen levels and blood pressure, she even shone a light in my ears. As a nurse to be this confused me because what would be in my ear that could make me this tired? Well she's the expert.
To cut a long story short. I'm going to be diagnosed with either a new physical disease and I pray to god not another chronic one. Or I'm suffering from too much stress and will need to start seeing another psychologist.
Pro tip I learned from this story: NEVER wait for over a month with physical complaints that might be the result of mental issues!!!! I'm now awaiting my blood results but I'm pretty sure it's the psychologist option that's going to be the result.
What a worthless blogpost. I know but since I already visited the hospital for a blood test today there isn't really much else I have to offer.
I'm off to take a nap!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Saturday 27 January 2018
Saturday 20 January 2018
Terrifyingly graduating.
Hiya!
At the moment I'm in the final year of my nursing course. On the 8th of June I hope to receive my bachelor of nursing diploma. By then I will be a person with an official diploma that allows me to take on a responsible job. And responsible it is as a nurse with the lives of many people as your responsibility.
The 8th of June, it's becoming a rather terrifying date with every day that passes. Teachers instructing us on our dissertation, us having to actually start writing that dissertation whilst still working on our practical skills. My fellow classmates and I are under a lot of stress. We all realise that by the 8th of June we need to have handed in our dissertation, a piece of research that will be read only by the people involved in our learning process. The rest of the world doesn't give a damn so why all the pressure? Why does it matter so much whether or not I can write a decent essay on research that I didn't even want to do when my profession involves hands on care for the ill.
This whole graduating process is a bit of a mystery to me, one big mystery with priorities on all the wrong things. But hey who am I to complain?
The above is even just the study part of it all. Than there is the practical part, the part in which the adults in my life start interfering. "Renée what do you want to do once you graduate?" "Do you want to do nursing or do you want to start another course?" "What ward interests you most?"
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
I have not a clue. Okay?! I don't know what I want to do once that stupid piece of paper called a diploma is signed by and handed to me. I don't know what I want to do once I graduate and should be capable of 1; getting a job and 2; having the full responsibility of not only the lives of ill people but also students I'm expected to guide and new colleagues that need to learn what's going on on the ward. And oh my do I not feel competent enough to ever do so. The whole getting my diploma thing absolutely terrifies me, I'm not capable of doing all of that once I sign that piece of paper. And hell, do I not have any clue of what I'll be doing once I graduate.
Preferably I would take a plane to a deserted island to live out my days where nobody will bother me. But hey, I have a student loan to pay off so that is not an option.
What would I do like to do once I graduate? I always said I would love to become a paediatric nurse which still piques my interest quite a bit. Besides that I would love to work with neurological patients as well and study the brain more. My ultimate goal would be to work in a research team which develops rehabilitation products to help (paediatric) patients with neurological problems like cerebral paralysis. Mind my language.
Then there are the other things I love doing, one of which is teaching. I absolutely love to spread knowledge to kids, to watch them grow and develop themselves. To keep them curious towards the world. And becoming an astronaut is something I still secretly dream about but which got thrown out of the window once I became a diabetic. Then there is the one thing I would love NOT to be, a diabetic but hey that's a different story.
In short; there are so many things I would love to do and would love to become all of which nursing will be my starting point. That one diploma I want and am going to sign in June this year. I will get there and I will finish my current internship above expectations and write a kick ass research on whatever subject I'm yet to find. Once I graduate the whole world is at my feet. No more mandatory school gatherings or shifts I need to work. Nothing but the rest of my life waiting for me, a new chapter to start. But first I have to overcome my fear and make it to the 8th of June successfully!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
At the moment I'm in the final year of my nursing course. On the 8th of June I hope to receive my bachelor of nursing diploma. By then I will be a person with an official diploma that allows me to take on a responsible job. And responsible it is as a nurse with the lives of many people as your responsibility.
The 8th of June, it's becoming a rather terrifying date with every day that passes. Teachers instructing us on our dissertation, us having to actually start writing that dissertation whilst still working on our practical skills. My fellow classmates and I are under a lot of stress. We all realise that by the 8th of June we need to have handed in our dissertation, a piece of research that will be read only by the people involved in our learning process. The rest of the world doesn't give a damn so why all the pressure? Why does it matter so much whether or not I can write a decent essay on research that I didn't even want to do when my profession involves hands on care for the ill.
This whole graduating process is a bit of a mystery to me, one big mystery with priorities on all the wrong things. But hey who am I to complain?
The above is even just the study part of it all. Than there is the practical part, the part in which the adults in my life start interfering. "Renée what do you want to do once you graduate?" "Do you want to do nursing or do you want to start another course?" "What ward interests you most?"
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
I have not a clue. Okay?! I don't know what I want to do once that stupid piece of paper called a diploma is signed by and handed to me. I don't know what I want to do once I graduate and should be capable of 1; getting a job and 2; having the full responsibility of not only the lives of ill people but also students I'm expected to guide and new colleagues that need to learn what's going on on the ward. And oh my do I not feel competent enough to ever do so. The whole getting my diploma thing absolutely terrifies me, I'm not capable of doing all of that once I sign that piece of paper. And hell, do I not have any clue of what I'll be doing once I graduate.
Preferably I would take a plane to a deserted island to live out my days where nobody will bother me. But hey, I have a student loan to pay off so that is not an option.
What would I do like to do once I graduate? I always said I would love to become a paediatric nurse which still piques my interest quite a bit. Besides that I would love to work with neurological patients as well and study the brain more. My ultimate goal would be to work in a research team which develops rehabilitation products to help (paediatric) patients with neurological problems like cerebral paralysis. Mind my language.
Then there are the other things I love doing, one of which is teaching. I absolutely love to spread knowledge to kids, to watch them grow and develop themselves. To keep them curious towards the world. And becoming an astronaut is something I still secretly dream about but which got thrown out of the window once I became a diabetic. Then there is the one thing I would love NOT to be, a diabetic but hey that's a different story.
In short; there are so many things I would love to do and would love to become all of which nursing will be my starting point. That one diploma I want and am going to sign in June this year. I will get there and I will finish my current internship above expectations and write a kick ass research on whatever subject I'm yet to find. Once I graduate the whole world is at my feet. No more mandatory school gatherings or shifts I need to work. Nothing but the rest of my life waiting for me, a new chapter to start. But first I have to overcome my fear and make it to the 8th of June successfully!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Sunday 14 January 2018
I don't understand make-up.
Hiya!
I don't understand make-up. I don't know how to apply it, I have no understanding of colour combinations let alone the techniques of making a smokey eye or a nice eye liner shape.
Make-up to me is as much of a mystery as what is happening in the deep sea. I have not a clue.
Ever since I started wearing even the slightest of make-up: mascara, I did go through your standard make-up phases. Starting out with wearing a ridiculous amount of mascara which made my eyelashes look as if I replaced them with some big ass spider legs. So yeah that wasn't a great start but hey, everybody seemed to do it so why not me?! As time passed my mascara used decreased, to both a normal amount when applying and to only applying it for either occasions where it was socially expected to wear mascara or whenever I felt like it.
By my 18th birthday I expended my make-up use to mascara AND lipstick. What a wild girl! Now at 21 those are still the only types of make-up I reply somewhat regularly.
How come I never expanded my make-up range? Well first off I am the oldest in the family which means I had to find out everything myself and let's say make-up wasn't one of the things I put a lot of time in finding out. Then there was the stigma around make-up and how every girl should wear it, the more the better, and me as the rebellious teenager I was figured I would annoy the world by not wearing make up. By now I realise how unimportant make up is and how it doesn't define you as a person but hey, teenage me didn't have a clue. Oh and also my line of work (nursing) doesn't really allow you to wear excessive makeup due to hygiene.
But what makes me not use make-up the most is the fact that I just don't understand it. I don't understand how to put on eyeliner correctly or how to get foundation on evenly. These things need to be taught to me but they never were and I never got the courage to ask as I assumed make-up was something girls just knew all about. So now at 21 make-up is still a big mystery to me and I don't think that will ever change. However I would love to be able to apply the right tone of foundation in an even way over my face before doing a photo-shoot or when I have a fancy party to attend. Also perfecting my mascara and lipstick skills. Mostly the lipstick as I cannot find a way to make it stick to my lips for over 10 seconds. Don't even get me started on nail polish.
The main question however is does this really bug me? In a way it definitely doesn't. I don't feel the need to wear makeup in order to look pretty, I am confident enough to know I look pretty even without makeup. Would I like to obtain applying makeup as a new skill, yes I would, mostly to understand people that do wear a lot of makeup better and to perfect my look when I feel like doing so.
Wearing makeup isn't something you should feel obliged to do, you are a beautiful woman both with and without it! If makeup makes you feel more comfortable than please feel free to wear it! If wearing makeup feels more like a social obligation, please learn to say no, to those who have you wear it and rock your makeupless look! Have faith in yourself and do you in the way you feel comfortable! Wearing makeup or not doesn't make you a better of less of a human being, YOU are what makes you an amazing human being and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
I don't understand make-up. I don't know how to apply it, I have no understanding of colour combinations let alone the techniques of making a smokey eye or a nice eye liner shape.
Make-up to me is as much of a mystery as what is happening in the deep sea. I have not a clue.
Ever since I started wearing even the slightest of make-up: mascara, I did go through your standard make-up phases. Starting out with wearing a ridiculous amount of mascara which made my eyelashes look as if I replaced them with some big ass spider legs. So yeah that wasn't a great start but hey, everybody seemed to do it so why not me?! As time passed my mascara used decreased, to both a normal amount when applying and to only applying it for either occasions where it was socially expected to wear mascara or whenever I felt like it.
By my 18th birthday I expended my make-up use to mascara AND lipstick. What a wild girl! Now at 21 those are still the only types of make-up I reply somewhat regularly.
How come I never expanded my make-up range? Well first off I am the oldest in the family which means I had to find out everything myself and let's say make-up wasn't one of the things I put a lot of time in finding out. Then there was the stigma around make-up and how every girl should wear it, the more the better, and me as the rebellious teenager I was figured I would annoy the world by not wearing make up. By now I realise how unimportant make up is and how it doesn't define you as a person but hey, teenage me didn't have a clue. Oh and also my line of work (nursing) doesn't really allow you to wear excessive makeup due to hygiene.
But what makes me not use make-up the most is the fact that I just don't understand it. I don't understand how to put on eyeliner correctly or how to get foundation on evenly. These things need to be taught to me but they never were and I never got the courage to ask as I assumed make-up was something girls just knew all about. So now at 21 make-up is still a big mystery to me and I don't think that will ever change. However I would love to be able to apply the right tone of foundation in an even way over my face before doing a photo-shoot or when I have a fancy party to attend. Also perfecting my mascara and lipstick skills. Mostly the lipstick as I cannot find a way to make it stick to my lips for over 10 seconds. Don't even get me started on nail polish.
The main question however is does this really bug me? In a way it definitely doesn't. I don't feel the need to wear makeup in order to look pretty, I am confident enough to know I look pretty even without makeup. Would I like to obtain applying makeup as a new skill, yes I would, mostly to understand people that do wear a lot of makeup better and to perfect my look when I feel like doing so.
Wearing makeup isn't something you should feel obliged to do, you are a beautiful woman both with and without it! If makeup makes you feel more comfortable than please feel free to wear it! If wearing makeup feels more like a social obligation, please learn to say no, to those who have you wear it and rock your makeupless look! Have faith in yourself and do you in the way you feel comfortable! Wearing makeup or not doesn't make you a better of less of a human being, YOU are what makes you an amazing human being and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Saturday 6 January 2018
My goals for 2018.
Hiya and welcome to 2018!!!!!!
Hope you had an amazing new year's eve! Did you go to a rad party? Spend it with friends playing games or had a bit of me-time? Whichever way you spend the seemingly so important night that takes you from one year into another, I hope you had a good one!
I myself had the last minute plan to join a friend instead of spending the evening alone. Partly as everyone around me wasn't fond of me spending NEW YEARS EVE by my self (as if I care) and she was just going to hang out with friends which appeals to me much more than a party which is basically a high school reunion. Not a big fan of those....
But yeah, let's not dwell on the past. It's 2018 now! Big year I guess. For me it's going to be stressful as heck but also a LOT of fun. Stressful? Yeah, I'm kinda trying to graduate my nursing bachelor this year and both the thought of graduating and having to get a job plus the fact that I'll have to write a big ass dissertation aren't very fond thoughts. But for 2018 I also decided to say yes to things more, social things mainly. So to start that of right I booked tickets to see Ed Sheeran in concert and Dan and Phil on their new show both of which I'm incredibly excited for. Secondly I booked yet another surprise city-trip which is an exciting happening in itself.
However back to the new year, together with fireworks and lot's of physical damage, the new year also comes with resolutions. Or goals as I prefer to call them. Resolutions seem to be meant to fail as all forms of media put them. So my goals for 2018. They're pretty simple and are all about me and taking care of me and making myself more happy. So let's take a look!
For 2018 I want to:
Hope you had an amazing new year's eve! Did you go to a rad party? Spend it with friends playing games or had a bit of me-time? Whichever way you spend the seemingly so important night that takes you from one year into another, I hope you had a good one!
I myself had the last minute plan to join a friend instead of spending the evening alone. Partly as everyone around me wasn't fond of me spending NEW YEARS EVE by my self (as if I care) and she was just going to hang out with friends which appeals to me much more than a party which is basically a high school reunion. Not a big fan of those....
But yeah, let's not dwell on the past. It's 2018 now! Big year I guess. For me it's going to be stressful as heck but also a LOT of fun. Stressful? Yeah, I'm kinda trying to graduate my nursing bachelor this year and both the thought of graduating and having to get a job plus the fact that I'll have to write a big ass dissertation aren't very fond thoughts. But for 2018 I also decided to say yes to things more, social things mainly. So to start that of right I booked tickets to see Ed Sheeran in concert and Dan and Phil on their new show both of which I'm incredibly excited for. Secondly I booked yet another surprise city-trip which is an exciting happening in itself.
However back to the new year, together with fireworks and lot's of physical damage, the new year also comes with resolutions. Or goals as I prefer to call them. Resolutions seem to be meant to fail as all forms of media put them. So my goals for 2018. They're pretty simple and are all about me and taking care of me and making myself more happy. So let's take a look!
For 2018 I want to:
- Eat more plant based food; basically I want to eat more vegetarian/vegan and cut out a big part of the sweets and chocolate I tend to devour (rather regularly). This to both cut down the sugar highs (diabetes and otherwise), feel more healthy and give the environment some extra support.
- Become more fit; a goal that repeats itself every year and is still relevant. During my time in South-Africa and my lack of sports there I noticed my mood go down, sugar levels go up, and average fitness become zero. Doing sports has such a positive effect on my physical and mental health that to me it is very important I keep up doing sports on a regular basis. For me this means a bit of fitness, pilates, and swimming.
- Get my Hba1c to 45; this equals an average sugar level of 6.6 and helps me to avoid complications as diabetes wounds, heart failure or even amputations in the long run. It also helps me if I ever have the desire to have children. But overall decent sugar levels have a big positive impact on my mental health and physical functioning.
- Be kinder to myself; whenever something I really want doesn't work out I tend to become pretty down and can be quite harsh on myself. I have to learn to accept that life doesn't always come the way I want it and allow myself to fail once in a while.
So much for the 'all about me and my health' goals. If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that both physical and mental health issues are part of my daily life and getting control or at least accepting their being will always be something to strive toward. Hence all the goals mentioned above. However there are also goals I want to achieve that are not health related. Thanks to the hobbies. Let's get into those!
- Get my bachelors degree; the most obvious and practical one. In June I want to have finished my nursing bachelor with a pass on an interesting dissertation. Writing my dissertation both excites me and scares the crap out of me, but hey, I'll have to do it anyway so better get over it.
- Go on at least 4 trips abroad; this one might be a bit of a cheat as before 2018 even came to be I already had three of them planned. I've grown quite fond of travelling during my time in South-Africa and wish to continue doing so the next years. Plus one of them was a birthday present to my sister while another is my annual holiday to France. But hey that still leaves that fourth trip to be planned.
And last but not least:
- Start my internet career; this isn't really meant in earning money and blablabla. For years now I wanted to start a YouTube channel however every time I was about to start it I bailed out. Why? I don't know, maybe because being a YouTuber has become this popular thing, or because all the very successful YouTubers have been doing YouTube ever since I was still about to hit puberty. Something just always stopped me but now I am 21 and I feel ready. So keep your eyes open for that in the near future! But then besides YouTube I want to put more effort into this blog, everyone reading this messy internet place deserves good content and funny stories and it's up to me to stop postponing writing those stories. It's time I took some real responsibility for this blog and 2018 seems like the perfect time to do so!
These are my goals and I am incredibly excited to start working on each and every one of them! Did you set some goals for yourself for 2018? Is 2018 going to be your year? Please share your stories with me and like that we can keep each other motivated!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
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