My journey through 2016.

Dear 2016,

Our time together is nearly over. Just a couple more hours before we have to say goodbye, a final goodbye as 2017 slowly steps in your place. But for now, we're still together so let us cherish these final moments by reflecting on all the things we did together.

2016, you were a mess, a bittersweet disaster. Globally you shook the entire planet and everyone on it. You had us say goodbye to so many influential people and to so many lesser known people as well. Then there were politics, to make politics a more popular item you decided to spice it up. Let me say you succeeded, more people are into politics now then ever. To say I agree with your choices in politics would be a step to far so let's get over our political differences and say goodbye to this subject already. 

Personally, 2016, you were a roller coaster. You've given me a lot of opportunities, a lot of chances and I took most of them gratefully. Some ended better than others but all of them led to incredible adventures. 2016, you expanded my interests and taught me a long list of new things. I found more time for all the amazing books you had for me and discovered some more literary gems of my own. There are a few adventures I would like to go into more detail about. 

First of all there was Elfia, a massive cosplay event on the grounds of a beautiful castle in Utrecht. I went here with an internet friend of mine and it was one of the best days ever. Elfia has this atmosphere that makes you feel accepted, included and not at all strange. Everyone is dressed differently and able to be someone else for a day whilst at the same time being themselves completely. At this event I met some incredible people and I learned that it is okay to like science fiction and fantasy, and that it's okay to be a bit weird. As long as you like what you do what's the problem? Correct, there is none.

Then there was Domaine de Puylagorge, a Dutch campsite in France for families with disabled kids. A wonderful place where I went for the second time to organise the animation program for the kids. This year I was lucky enough to guide to incredibly interesting and wonderful kids with special needs, and I had an amazing time working with them and getting to know them and their families. One of the most amazing things about that campsite is the bond between families and the animation team and families. On this campsite it's okay to sit down and chat with families, to share stories, concerns and happy memories. The campsite is a safe haven for families with disabled kids, parents can let go of some of the care around their disabled child and the siblings can play without having to worry about their disabled brother or sister for a change. Everyone can be themselves which is a pretty rare feeling when you are a parent or sibling of a disabled child. 

To continue my list of adventures I saw André Kuipers live and visited the space expo and the ESA ESTEC terrain in Noordwijk. For a long time now I've been strangely interested in space and hearing André Kuipers talk about his time in space and running around in the space expo surrounded by spaceships, a recreated module of the International Space Station it blew me away. I was like an overexcited child in there, which I still am when I think back at how amazing that day was, including the four hour road trip my friend and I went on to get there.

Furthermore I went to see Twenty One Pilots and Panic! at the Disco live in November. Two incredible performances with two incredible crowds. Crowds in which I didn't feel claustrophobic or anxious for a change but crowds that felt welcoming and accepting. I sang along, jumped and cried without shame, I utterly loved those concerts.

Oh and how could I forget my visit to the Cat Café and the Vincent van Gogh museum. Yet another amazing day in an incredible year with incredible adventures. Another museum to cross of my long lists of museums I want to visit. It's kind of becoming an annual thing now, going to a museum with a friend of mine to indulge ourselves in the artistic believes of various great painters. It's just lovely.

Yes 2016, when it comes to adventures you were amazing I did a lot of amazing things and met a lot of amazing new people in the process. Also those things allowed me to develop myself as a person. The best example, regarding my personal development, may be my current internship. The internship in the hospital. Another adventure, yet this one isn't over yet. This internship might be the hardest one I've had so far, be the most challenging both personally and professionally. As a nurse I learned a lot, I've become a much better nurse already however there is still a long way to go before I feel qualified as an independent nurse on a ward. Personally I learned to deal with my mental and physical limitations in the work field, how it's better to talk about them and make them known at the start of my internship instead of blocking my learning process with them. 

Something everyone I know knows about me is that I'm diabetic, it's a physical issue that is pretty obvious when people go out for lunch with me or when my insulin pump decides to be a bit dramatic in the evening. Still haven't found an off button for the alarm sounds. The things that only a few people know about me are my mental issues. It's just something that you don't bring up that easily and that I don't really have to bring up as it's not something as visible and obvious as my diabetes is. 2016, however, has taught me that it's important to talk about those issues as well. Ignoring them will only lead to the inevitable breakdown and it will limit you're personal and professional development. 

So to cut things short, 2016, you were amazing. The last couple of years have been full of me learning stuff about myself and me developing myself more and more but this year I honestly thought that process was finished. That I was able to deal with my 'problems' and that they wouldn't trouble me anymore. Well 2016, thank you for showing me otherwise and telling me that there is no shame in being different or having a few more diagnoses. My problems are a part of me and there's no reason to act as if they're not. 

2016 you were an incredible tutor and you helped me plan out the first steps of some amazing adventures I will have in 2017. 2016 you will be missed but 2017 the world and I, are so ready for you. A new beginning, a new year, new chances, new opportunities and most important of all new adventures!

Lots of love,

ThatDutchGirl96

Secret Santa Struggles.

What's up guys?

So as Christmas is starting to peek around the corner, my family decided it was time to start our own secret Santa quests again. Yayyy..... This year, like many other years I pulled my youngest sisters name from the hat. It's only the third year I pulled her name from the hat.... No changing the structure for me again. 

Anyway, when we do secret Santa we write down some things we would like to get, with our name. Now normally I don't have a lot of struggles with the secret Santa shopping. I do put a lot of effort in writing a poem, another family tradition we added, and the wrapping. For me it's all about the wrapping. Don't confuse that with rapping as I do not have any rapping skills what so ever. It's all about the WRAPPING. The wrapping paper was the easiest part this year, and don't worry, I will include a picture of the wrapped  secret Santa package. 

Back to shopping. Mind you, my youngest sister just turned 14 in October and is now in full on difficult teenager mode. This also means she's starting to get into a lot of that teenage girl stuff, teenage girls are into. Personally, I skipped most of this phase and never got further than putting on some mascara and occasionally having a cheeky photo shoot with a friend using my mums camera which I borrowed without her permission. Things like front cameras and selfies weren't really a thing back than, sorry for the culture shock. Anyway back to my sisters present list. Most of the stuff she put on there was pretty easy, she wanted a necklace, fairy lights, and a new charger for her phone. This was the easy part, now let me tell you where I started struggling with her list. It was at the point where I read: make-up brushes. Now as I mentioned before all the make-up I know, and use, is mascara for which you don't necessarily need a separate brush. My little sister however is all over the make-up and is actually quite good with it all too. Too bad for her I had to do the shopping. 

The budget didn't really allow a complete set so I had to prioritise now. So I walked into the pharmacy, walked towards the place they put the make-up brushes, thinking I would get this job finished rather easily. However when the make-up brushes caught my eye  there was an entire isle filled with them. All the different brands, sizes and sorts made me feel dizzy and lose hope slightly. As a 20 year old, I didn't feel like asking an employee just in case it's stupid for 20-year-olds to know nothing about make-up and the necessary tools. So I did the next best thing and asked a 12 year old with all the courage I had gathered and traded for my dignity. Thankfully she was very kind and ended up lecturing me on make-up brushes for at least 15 minutes. Her information was very useful if not mind blowing. The complexity of make-up brushes really blew me away. But I succeeded!!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!

So yeah, that happened. Now all I can do is sit and wait until Christmas. Then my sister will open the presents and I will know if I choose the right make-up brushes. Or not.... So that 12 year old either saved my Secret Santa or ruined it completely, anyway I learned a hell of a lot about make-up and make-up brushes. Some valuable knowledge I've gained due to Santa. Fingers crossed!

Please let me know how you celebrate Christmas, or whether you celebrate something completely different in the comments!! Lets talk about Christmas!

Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96

(The end result)

My dearest crush.

Dear crush,

You've been stuck in my mind for two months now. Occasionally we catch each others eye, maintain the eye contact just long enough for it to become awkward, before saying 'Hi' to each other. And now, two months later, saying 'Hi' is still as far as our communication goes.

It all started early September, when all interns came together for a couple of instructional meetings. This internship was the one I had been looking forward to ever since I started my course, so I was already buzzing with excitement. The buzzing with excitement however, never went away. Because everyday I know I might run into you. Back to the first meeting now. It all started with everyone introducing themselves within one minute. Everything you shared that day has stuck with me. It's basically all I know about you. At the end it was my turn and within thirty seconds I was finished so if you even cared you know even less about me. Then there were the parts where the group had to be divided in smaller groups. Lucky as I was, we never were in the same group. On one hand I was relieved as this meant there was no way I could embarrass myself in front of you, on the other hand, how were I going to catch your attention when I wasn't around. Thankfully there were times that we had to do stuff together. You helped me print my documents, told me the wrong answers to one of the tests we had to do (thanks for that) before helping me pass it. Not to forget how you laughed at me when we had to try out the electronic files for the first time because my ways of explaining were a bit extravagant. 

Now here we are, two months later, no further than the occasional 'Hi' and the eye contact. Every time before my shift, when I'm heading to my locker, I check yours. Just to see if you're there, to check if there's a change of running into each other before heading upstairs of after my shift. A storm of butterflies in my stomach every time I see you actually standing by your locker, or even when I see you walking in the hallway. Knowing we're on the same shift, cheers me up enough to get through the day. Knowing that there's only eight weeks left of my internship makes me less cheerful. The fact that after that I might never see you again makes me sadder than it should. My friends actually shipping us as I got a bit overexcited over this (stupid) crush of mine makes t even worse.

However it also gives me some hope. I know myself and that also makes me aware of the fact that I happen to preform better there's some pressure on me. Then again, my vocabulary seems to involve only the word 'Hi' when you're around, so I'm not too sure about the preforming under pressure. But where ever we end up after my internship ends, I'm glad I got to, sort of, know you. You made my internship a lot better and on days where I felt like giving up on it, the thought of you made me get up and work that shift because I might run into you and that day might have been the day for things to happen. They never were, but hey it was a way of coping for me and I'm thankful for that. 

This leaves me apologising to you for writing this extremely embarrassing and kind of sad blogpost about my pathetic crush. So if you ever happen to read this, I'm sorry for writing about you in this way. Just know that I wish you all the best with the rest of your course and career! And who knows, maybe we'll say 'Hi' to each other again tomorrow!

Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96