My mind is buzzing. It's busy, constantly throwing thoughts everywhere without any structure. I'm lost in thoughts yet completely aware of my surroundings and remembering a lot of separate events, all at once. It's horrible.
I'm restless, my mind is too busy and I can't keep up. It's bringing me places I've never been before, or haven't been in a long time, or just went yesterday. But I don't want to be in any of those places I want to leave, go somewhere where nothing exists, apart from maybe gravity and silence. I just want to be alone, without my thoughts, without all these loud stimuli. The light, the TV in the background, my mum walking upstairs. I can hear it all and it's too much. Add the buzzing in my brain to that and the chaos is complete.
Why is life so busy, even though I haven't done anything all day. I can't stop swinging my feet, the restlessness has to go somewhere even though my feet start hurting. They won't stop. It never ends. I'm struggling to keep up and I'm not sure if I can. I need to stop. My brain needs to stop, just for a few minutes so the maintenance people can come back from their break and regain their work. Start organising my brain again, start processing the stimuli and making life bearable again. It's chaos.
The maintenance people aren't coming back, I'm not sure they ever were there in the first place. Why did my mind just say second place? That's not how this saying goes. It's wrong. I don't understand, where did that thought come from and why am I reading the words I type out loud in my mind. Why are the words so loud. Why is everything so sensitive. I want to leave, disappear into the nothing but I'm not sure my brain would allow it. It's bad right now. It's loud and it's chaos.
My mind is buzzing and i't won't stop, or I don't know how? Please help, send over some brainpeople that are good at organising, that can stop the constant flow of thoughts and stimuli filling up my brain. I can't do it, not right now.
I guess I'm going to bed, just lie there in the darkness and maybe, just maybe my brain will fall asleep with me and the thoughts will stop. My brain will become quiet and the stimuli will stop. Maybe then the buzzing will stop.
Good night.
Sunday 29 January 2017
Sunday 22 January 2017
I booked a Srprs Trip.
Hello fellow internet surfers,'
Recently I booked something, one of those things that will definitely add to the list of "exciting things I did in my life". Believe it or not, this unofficial, not published list has gotten quite long over the relatively short time I've been alive. Also I can now officially put an X by another item on my bucketlist. I really want to go on a rant on how scared my bucketlist makes me sometimes, but hey that's a story for another time! For now let me focus on this super exciting thing I booked recently...
So a friend of mine and I were looking to go city tripping during our school holiday in February. However, we couldn't really agree on a city to go to, so we started surfing the interwebs for some crazy city trip ideas. We came across quite a few, but the one that stood out the most was a city trip arranged by Srprs.me.
Srprs is an agency where you can book a lot of different vacations. They range from (broke) city trips (ideal for poor students), multi city (where you go to different cities), or solo together (a trip where a group of people that don't know each other go on a holiday together). But even though they all sound like completely different holidays, which they are, they have one thing in common. No matter what trip you book at Srprs, you never know where you're going.
Amazing right?!?!?!?! Yes, my friend and I thought so too. That definitely qualifies as an exciting thing.
Anyway, so my friend and I have booked a city trip with an unknown destination. This both excites and frightens me as I'm normally the person to arrange everything and figure it all out before we even leave. But I can not wait to find out where we're going. In a little over a month we find out what our destination is, and a week before that I'll get a weather forecast in my mailbox. That way you're at least somewhat able to prepare yourself.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
ps. if you want to find out more about my Srprs trip you can enter your mailadress in the following link. That way you'll find out where we're going as soon as we find out ourselves! So click HERE if you want to know where I end up on my city trip!
Recently I booked something, one of those things that will definitely add to the list of "exciting things I did in my life". Believe it or not, this unofficial, not published list has gotten quite long over the relatively short time I've been alive. Also I can now officially put an X by another item on my bucketlist. I really want to go on a rant on how scared my bucketlist makes me sometimes, but hey that's a story for another time! For now let me focus on this super exciting thing I booked recently...
So a friend of mine and I were looking to go city tripping during our school holiday in February. However, we couldn't really agree on a city to go to, so we started surfing the interwebs for some crazy city trip ideas. We came across quite a few, but the one that stood out the most was a city trip arranged by Srprs.me.
Srprs is an agency where you can book a lot of different vacations. They range from (broke) city trips (ideal for poor students), multi city (where you go to different cities), or solo together (a trip where a group of people that don't know each other go on a holiday together). But even though they all sound like completely different holidays, which they are, they have one thing in common. No matter what trip you book at Srprs, you never know where you're going.
Amazing right?!?!?!?! Yes, my friend and I thought so too. That definitely qualifies as an exciting thing.
Anyway, so my friend and I have booked a city trip with an unknown destination. This both excites and frightens me as I'm normally the person to arrange everything and figure it all out before we even leave. But I can not wait to find out where we're going. In a little over a month we find out what our destination is, and a week before that I'll get a weather forecast in my mailbox. That way you're at least somewhat able to prepare yourself.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
ps. if you want to find out more about my Srprs trip you can enter your mailadress in the following link. That way you'll find out where we're going as soon as we find out ourselves! So click HERE if you want to know where I end up on my city trip!
Saturday 7 January 2017
Out of my comfort zone.
Hey guys,
As you may or may not know, I'm a pretty introverted person. Yes, sometimes I'm loud and appear to be very extroverted but deep down I'm a true introvert. That includes me not being a big fan of going out, going to parties, being in crowded places, and doing any one of those things with people I don't or barely know.
Now I'll leave you to guess what my New Years eve was all about....
You guessed it, I went out, to a party, a presumably crowded place, with one of my friends and 8 of her friends whom I had never even met before. What could go wrong. Well a lot could have gone wrong but that is not why I am here. That's a story for another time maybe because I have plenty of stories where these occasions went wrong. Back to the point please.
So as everybody my friends and I started planning New Years eve, as I'm not too into going out I suggested having dinner together first and then the ones who want to go out can go out. Everybody agreed to it and it seemed like a plan. However, we didn't really spoke of it again but silly old me just assumed we had a plan. How wrong I was. Turned out, when I asked my friends what our final plan for New Years would be, they had all, all four of them, made different plans with different friends. Now you don't have to tell me, it sounds pretty sad, and I felt sad back then, but hey we're a complicated group of friends okay. Thankfully almost all of them invited me to come along with them on New Years eve so it wasn't as if they completely abandoned me. Eventually I joined the friend who was going out with a group of friends which felt kind of safe.
Then it was time, the 31st of December had come to either destroy or save my life. I spend the entire day in bed, not too worried about that evening. Not too excited I know. But then it was time to get ready, I had bought an amazing new dress which is nothing special but it's one of my favourite dresses already! Anyway I got ready, dressed up and everything and made my way over to where we were going to have dinner before actually going out. I was scared to the bone, felt very very awkward and kind of unwanted at sometimes but those feelings faded throughout the evening. Hey, I even played pool for the first time and I nearly won! Achievement AF. Although I did secretly spend half the evening with a peg on my finger to deal with stress. Eventually it became the 1st of January, there was firework everywhere and we all wished each other happy new year. It was very cosy.
At this time I had survived half of the night already, and I was pretty content with how I did. But now we all started to put on our coats and we went to the place where the party was. Thank god it was not as busy as I thought it would be, you have no idea how much of a relief that was for me. Also I ran into a lot of familiar faces which made my night so much better. Oh and there was this one part of the event where they played pop music and never have I been more thankful for pop music. We spend the night singing a long and dancing weirdly to some amazing songs, we shared some weird looks as some even weirder guys approached us which thankfully left us soon enough. So yes, the night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it even kind of encouraged me to go out more often and to just take the risk.
Out of my comfort zone I stepped. I could have stayed home, in bed with a movie, but I didn't. I did the thing I've been avoiding for a long time, I went out, to a big party and I actually had a good time, even with the strangers I was there with. That night I learned that sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone, no matter how much it scares you, how often your stomach seems to turn around at the thought of it. That night I learned that overcoming those fears led to a pretty amazing night with some pretty amazing people. I am reminded now that going out isn't always bad, that I don't have to hang on to the bad memories I have and that it's time for some new ones. Now I won't be going out every weekend, it will probably stay a rare occasion but hey, at least I have made some good memories of going out again.
Stepping out of my comfort zone and getting a positive experience out of it was the first thing I did in 2017 and that makes me feel pretty awesome. It gave me some confidence I had lost somewhere in 2016 or even before then. It made me even more excited for 2017 than I already was because it opened doors to new chances, new opportunities. I say, let's see what 2017 has in store for me, but 2017 know that I am ready for you.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
PS. How was your New Years eve? Did you go out, or stay in? Alone or with friends? Did you enjoy yourself? Did you have a good night? Please let me know!!!
As you may or may not know, I'm a pretty introverted person. Yes, sometimes I'm loud and appear to be very extroverted but deep down I'm a true introvert. That includes me not being a big fan of going out, going to parties, being in crowded places, and doing any one of those things with people I don't or barely know.
Now I'll leave you to guess what my New Years eve was all about....
You guessed it, I went out, to a party, a presumably crowded place, with one of my friends and 8 of her friends whom I had never even met before. What could go wrong. Well a lot could have gone wrong but that is not why I am here. That's a story for another time maybe because I have plenty of stories where these occasions went wrong. Back to the point please.
So as everybody my friends and I started planning New Years eve, as I'm not too into going out I suggested having dinner together first and then the ones who want to go out can go out. Everybody agreed to it and it seemed like a plan. However, we didn't really spoke of it again but silly old me just assumed we had a plan. How wrong I was. Turned out, when I asked my friends what our final plan for New Years would be, they had all, all four of them, made different plans with different friends. Now you don't have to tell me, it sounds pretty sad, and I felt sad back then, but hey we're a complicated group of friends okay. Thankfully almost all of them invited me to come along with them on New Years eve so it wasn't as if they completely abandoned me. Eventually I joined the friend who was going out with a group of friends which felt kind of safe.
Then it was time, the 31st of December had come to either destroy or save my life. I spend the entire day in bed, not too worried about that evening. Not too excited I know. But then it was time to get ready, I had bought an amazing new dress which is nothing special but it's one of my favourite dresses already! Anyway I got ready, dressed up and everything and made my way over to where we were going to have dinner before actually going out. I was scared to the bone, felt very very awkward and kind of unwanted at sometimes but those feelings faded throughout the evening. Hey, I even played pool for the first time and I nearly won! Achievement AF. Although I did secretly spend half the evening with a peg on my finger to deal with stress. Eventually it became the 1st of January, there was firework everywhere and we all wished each other happy new year. It was very cosy.
At this time I had survived half of the night already, and I was pretty content with how I did. But now we all started to put on our coats and we went to the place where the party was. Thank god it was not as busy as I thought it would be, you have no idea how much of a relief that was for me. Also I ran into a lot of familiar faces which made my night so much better. Oh and there was this one part of the event where they played pop music and never have I been more thankful for pop music. We spend the night singing a long and dancing weirdly to some amazing songs, we shared some weird looks as some even weirder guys approached us which thankfully left us soon enough. So yes, the night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it even kind of encouraged me to go out more often and to just take the risk.
Out of my comfort zone I stepped. I could have stayed home, in bed with a movie, but I didn't. I did the thing I've been avoiding for a long time, I went out, to a big party and I actually had a good time, even with the strangers I was there with. That night I learned that sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone, no matter how much it scares you, how often your stomach seems to turn around at the thought of it. That night I learned that overcoming those fears led to a pretty amazing night with some pretty amazing people. I am reminded now that going out isn't always bad, that I don't have to hang on to the bad memories I have and that it's time for some new ones. Now I won't be going out every weekend, it will probably stay a rare occasion but hey, at least I have made some good memories of going out again.
Stepping out of my comfort zone and getting a positive experience out of it was the first thing I did in 2017 and that makes me feel pretty awesome. It gave me some confidence I had lost somewhere in 2016 or even before then. It made me even more excited for 2017 than I already was because it opened doors to new chances, new opportunities. I say, let's see what 2017 has in store for me, but 2017 know that I am ready for you.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
PS. How was your New Years eve? Did you go out, or stay in? Alone or with friends? Did you enjoy yourself? Did you have a good night? Please let me know!!!
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