Thank you mum.
For putting up with me all these years, for raising me and taking care of me. For crossing me even though, years later, I realised you did the right thing and pushed me in the right direction. Thanks for working your teacher magic when checking my schoolwork and essays. Thanks for even being my teacher a lot of years ago.
Mum thanks for accompanying me to all the appointments. Dentist, doctor, diabetes nurse, psychologists, psychiatrists, school appointments. No matter how I behaved before, after or during the appointment you would go with me. Thanks for that, a lot.
Thanks for pushing me to talk, pushing me to reflect and pushing me to get the help I definitely needed.
Thanks for all the times we disagreed, and you turned out to be right. Thanks for being the best taxi driver, for going shopping with me and for trying your hardest to keep this family functioning.
And mum, I'm sorry for the screaming and shouting, all those mean words I said and at the time meant but regret now. Sorry for being such a difficult kid who needed way too long to figure herself out. Sorry for being so different. Sorry for being the first in a line of three children with mental problems, really I'm sorry for starting the trend.
Sorry for myself, my sisters and my dad for not being a real family. Sorry that all we share is the roof over our heads. I apologise for all the malfunctions, the fights, the struggles, the disagreements that exist in our household on a daily basis.
But mum, even though we can be very hard on you, and with we I mean all of us. Everyone in our family, the people at your work now and all the previous jobs you had, the world, your own body even with it's ruined hips. Even though we are a bunch of losers sometimes and you wished us away. And trust me, I know you've thought that more than once. I heard you say it more than once too. But you will just have to deal with us a bit longer. Soon you'll miss us, we will leave the house and leave you and dad to yourselves. Finally a bit of peace.
And how grateful I am of you having a bit of stability with your current job and how proud I am of you with everything you are doing there. Teaching the kids a new language, more than one and you teach them math and you support them as a therapist would. You are not only my mum but a little bit their mum as well. And I think you do a pretty damn good job! You inspire your learners, you help them grow and develop themselves. Some of that I took with me to South-Africa and projected on my own learners. Because that is the real strength of being a teacher; supporting your learners in more ways than just educationally.
Mum you are a hero. Working on so many things at once and making every one of them succesful. You are an inspiration not only to your learners but to me as well and it's such an incredible thing to see you being so happy with the work you are doing.
You help everyone around you and sometimes that breaks you down but that is exactly who I want to become. I want to help people, just like you do. Thanks mum for showing me that, for handing me some incredible opportunities and for allowing and helping me to grow into the person I am now. A clear vision of the future, it's bright and just like you I am able to help a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
So mum, again I am very sorry but I'm also very thankful and proud of you as my mum. Keep up the good work! And even though I know you will never read this I wanted to put it out there. Mums worldwide aren't appreciated enough and they are all heroes! So this goes out to all mums but most importantly mine. Thanks a lot!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Friday 22 December 2017
Sunday 10 December 2017
I have returned.
Hello!
On the 4th of December, the day had come. My time had run out and it was time to go back to the rainy country of Holland. As I am writing this snowflakes fall down in my already white garden and the sunshine and warmth of South-Africa seem nothing but a faint memory.
Do I want to go back? Yes, definitely. I really miss being surrounded by other students all the time, to be socially connected to more people than my family whilst I'm at home. I miss the friendliness of South-Africans. I miss having the shops close to my house so all I had to do was walk for 10 minutes instead of drive for 20. I miss the children I used to teach and play with at Inkululeko, the teachers I got to work with. Being an inspiration to others but also being inspired by other all the time. South-Africa was absolutely incredible and if I could go back right now, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog, I would be packing my suitcase and racing to the airport.
Everyday South-Africa is on my mind, I see my friends who are still there posting pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I look back through my own pictures as I'm putting together an album or as I'm showing the pictures to my friends and family. They smile and say I did some incredible work there but they never fully seem to understand. They weren't there so most pictures are meaningless to them. For me this has become a familiar struggle but that doesn't make it any easier on the South-Africa pictures. I'm showing them pieces of how my life was for the last four months and all they do is nod and smile. If I could only make them understand how great those four months have been.
I wonder everyday, how are the children at school? Do they still ask where I am or when I'm coming back? Have they already forgotten me? Do they still know when and how to brush their teeth or wash their hands? How are my housemates doing? Are they still getting along? Is pizza Monday still a thing? Do they still hang out together or have dinner nights? At the moment I feel like I'm living two different lives at once. On the one hand I still feel like I'm the South-African me, teacher me that got to work with the best kids every single day and hang out with the most amazing housemates after work. On the other hand I'm Holland me, feeling cold all the time, surrounded by people who haven't left their normal lives for four months. Everything here is still the same even though it seems completely new to me. There are many things I don't seem to recognise and it kind of freaks me out.
Have I really changed that much? Have I really become so different? Have others not left their place, did they not change at all? I thought time changes everybody no matter if you move to the other side of the world or not. I thought we should all be changing not just me because I had a different experience but it seems that way. It doesn't make me less proud of the changes I've gone through.
During my time in South-Africa I became even more aware of cultural and social issues like racism, sexism and inequality. I also became more aware of how utterly ridiculous they are and how my and the following generations need to stand up and fight against them. We are the only ones that can change the world the way it is now and it is our duty to do so. We can and have to make the world a better place, starting with ourselves.
South-Africa was challenging but it was the best time of my life. It made me more aware of the world around me and allowed me to enjoy every single second I spend there. I got to work with the best colleagues and kids and live with the most interesting students. Let's not even start on the amazing sights and adventurers I got to go on whilst I was road-tripping through the country I used to call home. Yes South-Africa is amazing.
As the snow keeps falling down all I take comfort in are my cosy Christmas sweater and damping cup of tea whilst I keep looking at all the pictures of my time in South-Africa and remember the good times that used to be.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
On the 4th of December, the day had come. My time had run out and it was time to go back to the rainy country of Holland. As I am writing this snowflakes fall down in my already white garden and the sunshine and warmth of South-Africa seem nothing but a faint memory.
Do I want to go back? Yes, definitely. I really miss being surrounded by other students all the time, to be socially connected to more people than my family whilst I'm at home. I miss the friendliness of South-Africans. I miss having the shops close to my house so all I had to do was walk for 10 minutes instead of drive for 20. I miss the children I used to teach and play with at Inkululeko, the teachers I got to work with. Being an inspiration to others but also being inspired by other all the time. South-Africa was absolutely incredible and if I could go back right now, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog, I would be packing my suitcase and racing to the airport.
Everyday South-Africa is on my mind, I see my friends who are still there posting pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I look back through my own pictures as I'm putting together an album or as I'm showing the pictures to my friends and family. They smile and say I did some incredible work there but they never fully seem to understand. They weren't there so most pictures are meaningless to them. For me this has become a familiar struggle but that doesn't make it any easier on the South-Africa pictures. I'm showing them pieces of how my life was for the last four months and all they do is nod and smile. If I could only make them understand how great those four months have been.
I wonder everyday, how are the children at school? Do they still ask where I am or when I'm coming back? Have they already forgotten me? Do they still know when and how to brush their teeth or wash their hands? How are my housemates doing? Are they still getting along? Is pizza Monday still a thing? Do they still hang out together or have dinner nights? At the moment I feel like I'm living two different lives at once. On the one hand I still feel like I'm the South-African me, teacher me that got to work with the best kids every single day and hang out with the most amazing housemates after work. On the other hand I'm Holland me, feeling cold all the time, surrounded by people who haven't left their normal lives for four months. Everything here is still the same even though it seems completely new to me. There are many things I don't seem to recognise and it kind of freaks me out.
Have I really changed that much? Have I really become so different? Have others not left their place, did they not change at all? I thought time changes everybody no matter if you move to the other side of the world or not. I thought we should all be changing not just me because I had a different experience but it seems that way. It doesn't make me less proud of the changes I've gone through.
During my time in South-Africa I became even more aware of cultural and social issues like racism, sexism and inequality. I also became more aware of how utterly ridiculous they are and how my and the following generations need to stand up and fight against them. We are the only ones that can change the world the way it is now and it is our duty to do so. We can and have to make the world a better place, starting with ourselves.
South-Africa was challenging but it was the best time of my life. It made me more aware of the world around me and allowed me to enjoy every single second I spend there. I got to work with the best colleagues and kids and live with the most interesting students. Let's not even start on the amazing sights and adventurers I got to go on whilst I was road-tripping through the country I used to call home. Yes South-Africa is amazing.
As the snow keeps falling down all I take comfort in are my cosy Christmas sweater and damping cup of tea whilst I keep looking at all the pictures of my time in South-Africa and remember the good times that used to be.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
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