Hiya!
Let me stow the seriousity for a change. Since the beginning of 2018 I have become rather interested (read: obsessed) with the Disney musical Newsies. And I mean interested in belting out the songs all the time, trying and failing to do the dancing routines, memorising all newsies by name and face, and being able to act out the entire musical. For my sake, let's leave out watching Newsies live on an almost daily basis.
So to put my useless obsession for yet another musical to some use get ready for a Newsie Q&A put together by the fabulous Tumblr user: thebroadwayelephant.
Let's get going:
Jack: Do you consider yourself a leader or follower?
This highly depends on the group, like on my internship I'm definitely a follower. However with my friends and in class I'm a leader for sure.
Katherine: Do you enjoy writing?
Yes! I absolutely love writing, either blogpost, crazy stories or fiction, I love it! I'll even like writing an essay as long as the topic interests me.
Race: What’s something people associate with you?
Fun facts and lots of banter
Crutchie: Have you ever broken a bone or moved away from someone you love?
Broken a bone never. Moved away from loved ones only temporary, can't stay away for too long now can I.
Les: Are you a child at heart?
Yasssss
Romeo: Are you a romantic or a realist?
Bit of both though in my mind I like to think I'm more of a romanticist.
Specs: Do you wear glasses/contacts?
If only, it's been a wish ever since I watched Harry Potter as a child.
Spot: Do you consider yourself to be a brave/tough person?
Kind of, not like Gryffindor brave, more like angry Hufflepuf badger brave.
Davey: Are you more impulsive or cautious?
Cautious I like to think of what I'm going to do before doing it. This doesn't count on speech though, all the think before you speak filters have been erased.
Medda Larkin: Where are you the happiest?
In a decent reading nook with an even better book.
Delancey brothers: What’s something that frustrates you?
When others don't understand me.
Wiesel: Is your name misspelled or mispronounced frequently?
Yes, try having a name that's used for males and females but written differently for both. You would be surprised as to how difficult it is to write Renée.
Albert: Are you good with sarcasm?
Yes, sarcasm is my mother tongue.
Pulitzer: What’s one mistake you’ve made?
Oh god, only one.... Let that be asking for help only when you realise it's actually too late.
Finch: What’s something you’re scared of?
I ain't scared of no terf! Although spiders get me a bit (very much) jittery. Also being home alone at night.
Roosevelt: What’s something that brings you joy?
Warmer weather, a fireplace, books, cosy sweaters, freshly mowed grass, hot chocolate, the sun!
Snyder: What’s one thing you would change in society?
The crazy amount of anger and hate there is towards one another. Geez this world needs to chill.
Hannah: Are you an organized person?
Yes I am very organised. Nothing makes me happier than a clean working space and bedroom.
If you're already familiar with Newsies, I hope you liked this little Q&A. If not I hope this inspired you to look into Newsies the musical. They have a live Broadway recording which is on NETFLIX! What more could you want, apart from awesome choreographies, amazing singing, a cool and still relevant story, and cute guys!?
Anyway, I hoped you liked this slightly different blogpost, if you did let me know by liking the post or leaving a comment!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Saturday 24 February 2018
Saturday 17 February 2018
My mental health.
Hiya!
For almost 10 years I've been in the loop with mental health issues and mental health care. I don't even know which one is worse.
Now before I start with this post, I can only speak from personal experiences. My own mental health issues and the health care I received when dealing with those issues. Maybe a bit of Dutch mental health care in general but that's it. Everyone experiences mental health issues differently, every country has it's own views and accessibility of mental health care or health care in general. If my personal experiences differ from your's feel free to share you experiences with me.
I would like this blog to be a safe place for people that struggle with mental health issues and the care available for those. So if you struggle with mental health issues or just want to complain about them and the health care around them please send me a message or leave a comment!
Let's get back to my problems. As mentioned before, I've been in the loop of mental health care/ issues since I was 12. Seeing one therapist after the other. I've had different kinds of therapy like hypnosis and behavioural therapy. I've seen therapists for many different reasons. But then I became 18, and a month later I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist. She was an absolute gem and helped me through my gap year to get me ready to go back to university right after that. After my last session with her I finally felt like me again, which I hand't in a very very long time. Being 18 and going back to uni would be the beginning of my life. Everything was fine and I was going to fly through life from there on.
Oh how wrong I was. During university I've had multiple breakdowns, multiple times where my mum urged me to go back to seeing a therapist and even more times when I turned down these offers because I didn't need therapy anymore. That chapter was closed in August after I turned 18. I left therapy in 2014. And every time I managed, some times the struggle went on for days, other times for weeks but every time I came out on top and could continue my life. Mental health issues under control and no more therapy. During these last years I literally kept convincing myself through every breakdown that I, Renée, didn't need therapy. Therapy had given me all the tips and tricks I would need to get through those damn breakdowns.
HA HA.
Get ready for the 'best' part. Now I'm 21, it's 2018, the year I promised myself would be even better than 2017, and I'm on a waiting list to get back into therapy. How far I've come.....
Actually I've come pretty far. I've come from being 18 and convinced I would never need therapy again. Keeping myself convinced during all the breakdowns that followed until somewhere in 2017 where there wasn't really a breakdown. Maybe a cumulative sum of several small less good things, I'm not too sure. But at one point whilst in South-Africa (best time ever tho) I knew my emotional state was back at an all time low. I just knew something was off, my smiles became more forced, the sparkle in my eyes disappeared most days and I just felt so emotionally flat. Like there was this big black hole of emptiness back inside me just like it had been there whilst still seeing therapists.
But hey, I was in South-Africa and life was pretty great in general so I just went through with it. Telling myself I would just wait and see when I came back to Holland. Maybe it would go away, because I had the skills to overcome these things myself remember?! Well, I lost the skill. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore and that empty feeling is still there. My body is constantly tense, there is a massive wall including moat filled with crocodiles around me, and my emotions are still non existent. The worst thing about it is no one notices. Not even my mum who was onto me during all the previous breakdowns. Did I really become this good at hiding my (lack of) feelings?
However this time 'I don't need therapy' Renée decided to take matters in her own hand. Firstly to get a phsyical examination due to complaints of exhaustion, which came back with nothing (as expected). Then I decided why not? Why not go back to seeing a therapist? You've been there and done that so you know the drill. Just get yourself that extra bit of help maybe until graduation, maybe after that until you get your life back together. Maybe until you find out what you really want to do with that life of yours.
Just get help.
So here I am, during the second month of supposedly best year yet, ready to ask for help again. On a waiting list to get that help in early march. It was my best decision in a long time and I'm honestly counting down to the 2nd of march, the day where I'll be back in therapy. The day where I'm back to getting my life back on track. The day where I can start relaxing again. I am ready!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
ps. sorry if this triggered you in any way. That was not how this blog was intended. If you feel like you need a friend or just a listening ear, don't hesitate to send me a message or leave a comment.
pps. if this blogpost helped you in any way also let me know! If it encouraged you to seek help too, or at least look into the different options of mental health care I'm forever grateful.
For almost 10 years I've been in the loop with mental health issues and mental health care. I don't even know which one is worse.
Now before I start with this post, I can only speak from personal experiences. My own mental health issues and the health care I received when dealing with those issues. Maybe a bit of Dutch mental health care in general but that's it. Everyone experiences mental health issues differently, every country has it's own views and accessibility of mental health care or health care in general. If my personal experiences differ from your's feel free to share you experiences with me.
I would like this blog to be a safe place for people that struggle with mental health issues and the care available for those. So if you struggle with mental health issues or just want to complain about them and the health care around them please send me a message or leave a comment!
Let's get back to my problems. As mentioned before, I've been in the loop of mental health care/ issues since I was 12. Seeing one therapist after the other. I've had different kinds of therapy like hypnosis and behavioural therapy. I've seen therapists for many different reasons. But then I became 18, and a month later I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist. She was an absolute gem and helped me through my gap year to get me ready to go back to university right after that. After my last session with her I finally felt like me again, which I hand't in a very very long time. Being 18 and going back to uni would be the beginning of my life. Everything was fine and I was going to fly through life from there on.
Oh how wrong I was. During university I've had multiple breakdowns, multiple times where my mum urged me to go back to seeing a therapist and even more times when I turned down these offers because I didn't need therapy anymore. That chapter was closed in August after I turned 18. I left therapy in 2014. And every time I managed, some times the struggle went on for days, other times for weeks but every time I came out on top and could continue my life. Mental health issues under control and no more therapy. During these last years I literally kept convincing myself through every breakdown that I, Renée, didn't need therapy. Therapy had given me all the tips and tricks I would need to get through those damn breakdowns.
HA HA.
Get ready for the 'best' part. Now I'm 21, it's 2018, the year I promised myself would be even better than 2017, and I'm on a waiting list to get back into therapy. How far I've come.....
Actually I've come pretty far. I've come from being 18 and convinced I would never need therapy again. Keeping myself convinced during all the breakdowns that followed until somewhere in 2017 where there wasn't really a breakdown. Maybe a cumulative sum of several small less good things, I'm not too sure. But at one point whilst in South-Africa (best time ever tho) I knew my emotional state was back at an all time low. I just knew something was off, my smiles became more forced, the sparkle in my eyes disappeared most days and I just felt so emotionally flat. Like there was this big black hole of emptiness back inside me just like it had been there whilst still seeing therapists.
But hey, I was in South-Africa and life was pretty great in general so I just went through with it. Telling myself I would just wait and see when I came back to Holland. Maybe it would go away, because I had the skills to overcome these things myself remember?! Well, I lost the skill. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore and that empty feeling is still there. My body is constantly tense, there is a massive wall including moat filled with crocodiles around me, and my emotions are still non existent. The worst thing about it is no one notices. Not even my mum who was onto me during all the previous breakdowns. Did I really become this good at hiding my (lack of) feelings?
However this time 'I don't need therapy' Renée decided to take matters in her own hand. Firstly to get a phsyical examination due to complaints of exhaustion, which came back with nothing (as expected). Then I decided why not? Why not go back to seeing a therapist? You've been there and done that so you know the drill. Just get yourself that extra bit of help maybe until graduation, maybe after that until you get your life back together. Maybe until you find out what you really want to do with that life of yours.
Just get help.
So here I am, during the second month of supposedly best year yet, ready to ask for help again. On a waiting list to get that help in early march. It was my best decision in a long time and I'm honestly counting down to the 2nd of march, the day where I'll be back in therapy. The day where I'm back to getting my life back on track. The day where I can start relaxing again. I am ready!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
ps. sorry if this triggered you in any way. That was not how this blog was intended. If you feel like you need a friend or just a listening ear, don't hesitate to send me a message or leave a comment.
pps. if this blogpost helped you in any way also let me know! If it encouraged you to seek help too, or at least look into the different options of mental health care I'm forever grateful.
Saturday 10 February 2018
Back home.
Hiya!
I've been back for over two months now. Slowly but surely South-Africa is turning into a fading memory, an ever so fond one. Not a day goes by without I think back at that amazing experience. Every day a photo that was taken during those four months comes up and takes me back to the exact moment it was taken. Incredible memories around every corner, and it makes closing that period so damn difficult.
I spent four months in Pretoria, South-Africa. Possibly the best four months of my life. It was my first ever trip like this. I went on a roadtrip with friends (and my sister), changed from nurse to teacher, lived on my own (kinda with only 10 other students), and just had the best time ever. All the new people I met with such inspirational stories, the new places I visited, the different kinds of food I tried, the new cultures I dived into. So many new things I can barely fathom them, still.
During those months my comfort zone was nonexistent. I've never lived in the moment as much as then. No worrying about tomorrow or next week, hell I didn't even take a glance at what I would be doing the next year. To live in the moment was my favourite thing. It was just that day and what had to be done that day. Even if not all of those things got done the world just kept spinning and I just postponed it to the day after. In South-Africa things were easier, the world even seemed like a better place there. Just me, my amazing internship and even better housemates.
But now I'm back, back to the tiny village that I have called my home since birth. The town where my roots are. However, when I left for South-Africa those roots got cut loose and ever since I came back I haven't been able to feel grounded. It feels as if I'm floating just a few centimetres above the ground. I'm back with all these familiar things yet they feel utterly strange. Like I've never seen them before. It is as if all my roots have disappeared and I'm lost.
Back home the world has picked up it's pace, it's spinning ten times faster than before. I'm freaking out, I can't keep up. I run and run, trying to keep up with everything I have to do today, tomorrow, and next week. My mind isn't in the moment it's on next year and it feels so strange. Life has never been this chaotic before and I hate it. Every day I miss South-Africa a little more, it's easiness, my life and friends there, and how today was today and not next year.
There is so much stuff going on in my life that I don't even know where to start. I've never felt this lost before and without my roots there is nothing holding me in place. I'm being pushed in every direction, task to task, deadline to deadline. No place gives me a sense of peace. My head is spinning endlessly. I can't go on like this, I need my roots back. But where have they gone? My hometown has lost them.
Somewhere there is a place for me? Where, I have not a clue. If you know, please give me a heads up. Until then I'll keep running after my life, without even a sense of control of it. I'll follow it where ever it will lead me. Hopefully to a place I can touch the ground again. Where my roots will start to grow further and further in the ground. A place where I am in control of my life again, instead of it constantly passing me by. A time where South-Africa will be more than a sad memory.
I can't wait for that!
ThatDutchGirl96
I've been back for over two months now. Slowly but surely South-Africa is turning into a fading memory, an ever so fond one. Not a day goes by without I think back at that amazing experience. Every day a photo that was taken during those four months comes up and takes me back to the exact moment it was taken. Incredible memories around every corner, and it makes closing that period so damn difficult.
I spent four months in Pretoria, South-Africa. Possibly the best four months of my life. It was my first ever trip like this. I went on a roadtrip with friends (and my sister), changed from nurse to teacher, lived on my own (kinda with only 10 other students), and just had the best time ever. All the new people I met with such inspirational stories, the new places I visited, the different kinds of food I tried, the new cultures I dived into. So many new things I can barely fathom them, still.
During those months my comfort zone was nonexistent. I've never lived in the moment as much as then. No worrying about tomorrow or next week, hell I didn't even take a glance at what I would be doing the next year. To live in the moment was my favourite thing. It was just that day and what had to be done that day. Even if not all of those things got done the world just kept spinning and I just postponed it to the day after. In South-Africa things were easier, the world even seemed like a better place there. Just me, my amazing internship and even better housemates.
But now I'm back, back to the tiny village that I have called my home since birth. The town where my roots are. However, when I left for South-Africa those roots got cut loose and ever since I came back I haven't been able to feel grounded. It feels as if I'm floating just a few centimetres above the ground. I'm back with all these familiar things yet they feel utterly strange. Like I've never seen them before. It is as if all my roots have disappeared and I'm lost.
Back home the world has picked up it's pace, it's spinning ten times faster than before. I'm freaking out, I can't keep up. I run and run, trying to keep up with everything I have to do today, tomorrow, and next week. My mind isn't in the moment it's on next year and it feels so strange. Life has never been this chaotic before and I hate it. Every day I miss South-Africa a little more, it's easiness, my life and friends there, and how today was today and not next year.
There is so much stuff going on in my life that I don't even know where to start. I've never felt this lost before and without my roots there is nothing holding me in place. I'm being pushed in every direction, task to task, deadline to deadline. No place gives me a sense of peace. My head is spinning endlessly. I can't go on like this, I need my roots back. But where have they gone? My hometown has lost them.
Somewhere there is a place for me? Where, I have not a clue. If you know, please give me a heads up. Until then I'll keep running after my life, without even a sense of control of it. I'll follow it where ever it will lead me. Hopefully to a place I can touch the ground again. Where my roots will start to grow further and further in the ground. A place where I am in control of my life again, instead of it constantly passing me by. A time where South-Africa will be more than a sad memory.
I can't wait for that!
ThatDutchGirl96
Wednesday 7 February 2018
It's not a phase mum.
Hiya!
And welcome back for another random update on my peculiar life with even worse life choices.
Basically welcome to the blog of your stereotypical millennial/ gen-Z kid.
When I was about eleven years-old I got into this musical phase and it got like really bad. There was this musical for which they broadcasted the entire auditioning and rehearsal process. That's where it all went wrong. Every Saturday or Sunday I was plastered to the television. I became obsessed, I knew everything about this musical, about the actors in it, their characters and my vocabulary became nearly limited to the album lyrics. It was bad okay, and to make it worse the musical was a huge hit and went on for about four years or so. During those four years I kept following the musical, the cast (changes) and everything there was to find about it. I even wrote some really embarrassing letters to my parents on why they had to take me to see the musical. Even as it was about to close, at this point I was fifteen, FIFTEEN. And as the musical had it's finale performance, good old Renée spent the night crying as she never even got to see it live on stage, the musical that she spent over four years obsessing over. It was a sad day.
Then I thought the phase would pass, and oh how did my parents hope the same. I bet their hopes were higher than mine. All my friends were becoming more of your typical teenagers, like come on we were fifteen. Some already had boyfriends, others had already kissed. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that their interests became very different to mine. As my musical phase continued when another musical started to hit the theatre, and then another. At this point I was sixteen and over and printed photo's of my favourite cast members and musicals in my school diary. So yeah, my parents hopes for a normal teenager were crushed and I officially became a theatre nerd. A proud one so to speak.
At around the age of 18 I finally got out of my musical phase, and dived straight into a movie/ series phase. Yeah, not really making any progress. Apart from printing photo's of cast members and either putting them on my walls or in my diary nothing really changed. So much for getting my parents hopes up again. However now I'm 21, going on 22 and my series/ movie obsession is mostly over. Now before you start clapping and getting hopeful like my parents let me explain.
What has happened is that I basically lost a lot of time to watch movies/ series because 1. I'm graduating, 2. I discovered the existence of musical movies and musicals again. Blame Dear Evan Hansen and the Greatest Showman. Getting back to the good old days where I'm belting out songs from cast albums (badly), trying the choreographies (equally as badly) and maybe the worst one, not wanting to remove my earphones to socialise at the dinner table because my priorities are on the Broadway cast albums.
Long story short, we're back where we started it's not a phase but just my personality! I'm a theatre nerd and I'm still very proud of it! However much I was shamed for it by friends and family during the previous one it was of no use. The world may know I'm a theatre nerd, no more secretly listening to cast albums in public spaces, keeping all of it off the grid. Nope, I'm out there, posting pictures of the Newsies Live on my instagram, 80% of my tweets existing of Broadway mentions. I love musicals, I love singing, dancing and acting even though I'm really bad at all three of them, and I love almost everything on Broadway, West End, hell even the Dutch productions!
My obsession leaves only one problem. Apart from that one friend of mine, there is no one to share my love for musicals with. So are you a fellow theatre nerd, or do you just love musicals. Send me a message and we can be fangirls together!!! (I know I should not be like this anymore but hey I'm a millennial and I'm problematic as it is)
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
And welcome back for another random update on my peculiar life with even worse life choices.
Basically welcome to the blog of your stereotypical millennial/ gen-Z kid.
When I was about eleven years-old I got into this musical phase and it got like really bad. There was this musical for which they broadcasted the entire auditioning and rehearsal process. That's where it all went wrong. Every Saturday or Sunday I was plastered to the television. I became obsessed, I knew everything about this musical, about the actors in it, their characters and my vocabulary became nearly limited to the album lyrics. It was bad okay, and to make it worse the musical was a huge hit and went on for about four years or so. During those four years I kept following the musical, the cast (changes) and everything there was to find about it. I even wrote some really embarrassing letters to my parents on why they had to take me to see the musical. Even as it was about to close, at this point I was fifteen, FIFTEEN. And as the musical had it's finale performance, good old Renée spent the night crying as she never even got to see it live on stage, the musical that she spent over four years obsessing over. It was a sad day.
Then I thought the phase would pass, and oh how did my parents hope the same. I bet their hopes were higher than mine. All my friends were becoming more of your typical teenagers, like come on we were fifteen. Some already had boyfriends, others had already kissed. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that their interests became very different to mine. As my musical phase continued when another musical started to hit the theatre, and then another. At this point I was sixteen and over and printed photo's of my favourite cast members and musicals in my school diary. So yeah, my parents hopes for a normal teenager were crushed and I officially became a theatre nerd. A proud one so to speak.
At around the age of 18 I finally got out of my musical phase, and dived straight into a movie/ series phase. Yeah, not really making any progress. Apart from printing photo's of cast members and either putting them on my walls or in my diary nothing really changed. So much for getting my parents hopes up again. However now I'm 21, going on 22 and my series/ movie obsession is mostly over. Now before you start clapping and getting hopeful like my parents let me explain.
What has happened is that I basically lost a lot of time to watch movies/ series because 1. I'm graduating, 2. I discovered the existence of musical movies and musicals again. Blame Dear Evan Hansen and the Greatest Showman. Getting back to the good old days where I'm belting out songs from cast albums (badly), trying the choreographies (equally as badly) and maybe the worst one, not wanting to remove my earphones to socialise at the dinner table because my priorities are on the Broadway cast albums.
Long story short, we're back where we started it's not a phase but just my personality! I'm a theatre nerd and I'm still very proud of it! However much I was shamed for it by friends and family during the previous one it was of no use. The world may know I'm a theatre nerd, no more secretly listening to cast albums in public spaces, keeping all of it off the grid. Nope, I'm out there, posting pictures of the Newsies Live on my instagram, 80% of my tweets existing of Broadway mentions. I love musicals, I love singing, dancing and acting even though I'm really bad at all three of them, and I love almost everything on Broadway, West End, hell even the Dutch productions!
My obsession leaves only one problem. Apart from that one friend of mine, there is no one to share my love for musicals with. So are you a fellow theatre nerd, or do you just love musicals. Send me a message and we can be fangirls together!!! (I know I should not be like this anymore but hey I'm a millennial and I'm problematic as it is)
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
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