Terrifyingly graduating.

Hiya! 

At the moment I'm in the final year of my nursing course. On the 8th of June I hope to receive my bachelor of nursing diploma. By then I will be a person with an official diploma that allows me to take on a responsible job. And responsible it is as a nurse with the lives of many people as your responsibility. 

The 8th of June, it's becoming a rather terrifying date with every day that passes. Teachers instructing us on our dissertation, us having to actually start writing that dissertation whilst still working on our practical skills. My fellow classmates and I are under a lot of stress. We all realise that by the 8th of June we need to have handed in our dissertation, a piece of research that will be read only by the people involved in our learning process. The rest of the world doesn't  give a damn so why all the pressure? Why does it matter so much whether or not I can write a decent essay on research that I didn't even want to do when my profession involves hands on care for the ill. 

This whole graduating process is a bit of a mystery to me, one big mystery with priorities on all the wrong things. But hey who am I to complain?

The above is even just the study part of it all. Than there is the practical part, the part in which the adults in my life start interfering. "Renée what do you want to do once you graduate?" "Do you want to do nursing or do you want to start another course?" "What ward interests you most?" 
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! 

I have not a clue. Okay?! I don't know what I want to do once that stupid piece of paper called a diploma is signed by and handed to me. I don't know what I want to do once I graduate and should be capable of 1; getting a job and  2; having the full responsibility of not only the lives of ill people but also students I'm expected to guide and new colleagues that need to learn what's going on on the ward. And oh my do I not feel competent enough to ever do so. The whole getting my diploma thing absolutely terrifies me, I'm not capable of doing all of that once I sign that piece of paper. And hell, do I not have any clue of what I'll be doing once I graduate. 

Preferably I would take a plane to a deserted island to live out my days where nobody will bother me. But hey, I have a student loan to pay off so that is not an option. 

What would I do like to do once I graduate? I always said I would love to become a paediatric nurse which still piques my interest quite a bit. Besides that I would love to work with neurological patients as well and study the brain more. My ultimate goal would be to work in a research team which develops rehabilitation products to help (paediatric) patients with neurological problems like cerebral paralysis. Mind my language. 
Then there are the other things I love doing, one of which is teaching. I absolutely love to spread knowledge to kids, to watch them grow and develop themselves. To keep them curious towards the world. And becoming an astronaut is something I still secretly dream about but which got thrown out of the window once I became a diabetic. Then there is the one thing I would love NOT to be, a diabetic but hey that's a different story.

In short; there are so many things I would love to do and would love to become all of which nursing will be my starting point. That one diploma I want and am going to sign in June this year. I will get there and I will finish my current internship above expectations and write a kick ass research on whatever subject I'm yet to find. Once I graduate the whole world is at my feet. No more mandatory school gatherings or shifts I need to work. Nothing but the rest of my life waiting for me, a new chapter to start. But first I have to overcome my fear and make it to the 8th of June successfully!

 Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96