Buzzing.

My mind is buzzing. It's busy, constantly throwing thoughts everywhere without any structure. I'm lost in thoughts yet completely aware of my surroundings and remembering a lot of separate events, all at once. It's horrible. 

I'm restless, my mind is too busy and I can't keep up. It's bringing me places I've never been before, or haven't been in a long time, or just went yesterday. But I don't want to be in any of those places I want to leave, go somewhere where nothing exists, apart from maybe gravity and silence. I just want to be alone, without my thoughts, without all these loud stimuli. The light, the TV in the background, my mum walking upstairs. I can hear it all and it's too much. Add the buzzing in my brain to that and the chaos is complete.

Why is life so busy, even though I haven't done anything all day. I can't stop swinging my feet, the restlessness has to  go somewhere even though my feet start hurting. They won't stop. It never ends. I'm struggling to keep up and I'm not sure if I can. I need to stop. My brain needs to stop, just for a few minutes so the maintenance people can come back from their break and regain their work. Start organising my brain again, start processing the stimuli and making life bearable again. It's chaos. 

The maintenance people aren't coming back, I'm not sure they ever were there in the first place. Why did my mind just say second place? That's not how this saying goes. It's wrong. I don't understand, where did that thought come from and why am I reading the words I type out loud in my mind. Why are the words so loud. Why is everything so sensitive. I want to leave, disappear into the nothing but I'm not sure my brain would allow it. It's bad right now. It's loud and it's chaos. 

My mind is buzzing and i't won't stop, or I don't know how? Please help, send over some brainpeople that are good at organising, that can stop the constant flow of thoughts and stimuli filling up my brain. I can't do it, not right now. 

I guess I'm going to bed, just lie there in the darkness and maybe, just maybe my brain will fall asleep with me and the thoughts will stop. My brain will become quiet and the stimuli will stop. Maybe then the buzzing will stop.

Good night.