On the 4th of December, the day had come. My time had run out and it was time to go back to the rainy country of Holland. As I am writing this snowflakes fall down in my already white garden and the sunshine and warmth of South-Africa seem nothing but a faint memory.
Do I want to go back? Yes, definitely. I really miss being surrounded by other students all the time, to be socially connected to more people than my family whilst I'm at home. I miss the friendliness of South-Africans. I miss having the shops close to my house so all I had to do was walk for 10 minutes instead of drive for 20. I miss the children I used to teach and play with at Inkululeko, the teachers I got to work with. Being an inspiration to others but also being inspired by other all the time. South-Africa was absolutely incredible and if I could go back right now, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog, I would be packing my suitcase and racing to the airport.
Everyday South-Africa is on my mind, I see my friends who are still there posting pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I look back through my own pictures as I'm putting together an album or as I'm showing the pictures to my friends and family. They smile and say I did some incredible work there but they never fully seem to understand. They weren't there so most pictures are meaningless to them. For me this has become a familiar struggle but that doesn't make it any easier on the South-Africa pictures. I'm showing them pieces of how my life was for the last four months and all they do is nod and smile. If I could only make them understand how great those four months have been.
I wonder everyday, how are the children at school? Do they still ask where I am or when I'm coming back? Have they already forgotten me? Do they still know when and how to brush their teeth or wash their hands? How are my housemates doing? Are they still getting along? Is pizza Monday still a thing? Do they still hang out together or have dinner nights? At the moment I feel like I'm living two different lives at once. On the one hand I still feel like I'm the South-African me, teacher me that got to work with the best kids every single day and hang out with the most amazing housemates after work. On the other hand I'm Holland me, feeling cold all the time, surrounded by people who haven't left their normal lives for four months. Everything here is still the same even though it seems completely new to me. There are many things I don't seem to recognise and it kind of freaks me out.
Have I really changed that much? Have I really become so different? Have others not left their place, did they not change at all? I thought time changes everybody no matter if you move to the other side of the world or not. I thought we should all be changing not just me because I had a different experience but it seems that way. It doesn't make me less proud of the changes I've gone through.
During my time in South-Africa I became even more aware of cultural and social issues like racism, sexism and inequality. I also became more aware of how utterly ridiculous they are and how my and the following generations need to stand up and fight against them. We are the only ones that can change the world the way it is now and it is our duty to do so. We can and have to make the world a better place, starting with ourselves.
South-Africa was challenging but it was the best time of my life. It made me more aware of the world around me and allowed me to enjoy every single second I spend there. I got to work with the best colleagues and kids and live with the most interesting students. Let's not even start on the amazing sights and adventurers I got to go on whilst I was road-tripping through the country I used to call home. Yes South-Africa is amazing.
As the snow keeps falling down all I take comfort in are my cosy Christmas sweater and damping cup of tea whilst I keep looking at all the pictures of my time in South-Africa and remember the good times that used to be.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
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