Back home.

Hiya!

I've been back for over two months now. Slowly but surely South-Africa is turning into a fading memory, an ever so fond one. Not a day goes by without I think back at that amazing experience. Every day a photo that was taken during those four months comes up and takes me back to the exact moment it was taken. Incredible memories around every corner, and it makes closing that period so damn difficult.

I spent four months in Pretoria, South-Africa. Possibly the best four months of my life. It was my first ever trip like this. I went on a roadtrip with friends (and my sister), changed from nurse to teacher, lived on my own (kinda with only 10 other students), and just had the best time ever. All the new people I met with such inspirational stories, the new places I visited, the different kinds of food I tried, the new cultures I dived into. So many new things I can barely fathom them, still. 

During those months my comfort zone was nonexistent. I've never lived in the moment as much as then. No worrying about tomorrow or next week, hell I didn't even take a glance at what I would be doing the next year. To live in the moment was my favourite thing. It was just that day and what had to be done that day. Even if not all of those things got done the world just kept spinning and I just postponed it to the day after. In South-Africa things were easier, the world even seemed like a better place there. Just me, my amazing internship and even better housemates. 

But now I'm back, back to the tiny village that I have called my home since birth. The town where my roots are. However, when I left for South-Africa those roots got cut loose and ever since I came back I haven't been able to feel grounded. It feels as if I'm floating just a few centimetres above the ground. I'm back with all these familiar things yet they feel utterly strange. Like I've never seen them before. It is as if all my roots have disappeared and I'm lost.

Back home the world has picked up it's pace, it's spinning ten times faster than before. I'm freaking out, I can't keep up. I run and run, trying to keep up with everything I have to do today, tomorrow, and next week. My mind isn't in the moment it's on next year and it feels so strange. Life has never been this chaotic before and I hate it. Every day I miss South-Africa a little more, it's easiness, my life and friends there, and how today was today and not next year.  

There is so much stuff going on in my life that I don't even know where to start. I've never felt this lost before and without my roots there is nothing holding me in place. I'm being pushed in every direction, task to task, deadline to deadline. No place gives me a sense of peace. My head is spinning endlessly. I can't go on like this, I need my roots back. But where have they gone? My hometown has lost them. 

Somewhere there is a place for me? Where, I have not a clue. If you know, please give me a heads up. Until then I'll keep running after my life, without even a sense of control of it. I'll follow it where ever it will lead me. Hopefully to a place I can touch the ground again. Where my roots will start to grow further and further in the ground. A place where I am in control of my life again, instead of it constantly passing me by. A time where South-Africa will be more than a sad memory. 

I can't wait for that!
ThatDutchGirl96

I have returned.

Hello!

On the 4th of December, the day had come. My time had run out and it was time to go back to the rainy country of Holland. As I am writing this snowflakes fall down in my already white garden and the sunshine and warmth of South-Africa seem nothing but a faint memory. 

Do I want to go back? Yes, definitely. I really miss being surrounded by other students all the time, to be socially connected to more people than my family whilst I'm at home. I miss the friendliness of South-Africans. I miss having the shops close to my house so all I had to do was walk for 10 minutes instead of drive for 20. I miss the children I used to teach and play with at Inkululeko, the teachers I got to work with. Being an inspiration to others but also being inspired by other all the time. South-Africa was absolutely incredible and if I could go back right now, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog, I would be packing my suitcase and racing to the airport.

Everyday South-Africa is on my mind, I see my friends who are still there posting pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I look back through my own pictures as I'm putting together an album or as I'm showing the pictures to my friends and family. They smile and say I did some incredible work there but they never fully seem to understand. They weren't there so most pictures are meaningless to them. For me this has become a familiar struggle but that doesn't make it any easier on the South-Africa pictures. I'm showing them pieces of how my life was for the last four months and all they do is nod and smile. If I could only make them understand how great those four months have been. 

I wonder everyday, how are the children at school? Do they still ask where I am or when I'm coming back? Have they already forgotten me? Do they still know when and how to brush their teeth or wash their hands? How are my housemates doing? Are they still getting along? Is pizza Monday still a thing? Do they still hang out together or have dinner nights? At the moment I feel like I'm living two different lives at once. On the one hand I still feel like I'm the South-African me, teacher me that got to work with the best kids every single day and hang out with the most amazing housemates after work. On the other hand I'm Holland me, feeling cold all the time, surrounded by people who haven't left their normal lives for four months. Everything here is still the same even though it seems completely new to me. There are many things I don't seem to recognise and it kind of freaks me out. 

Have I really changed that much? Have I really become so different? Have others not left their place, did they not change at all? I thought time changes everybody no matter if you move to the other side of the world or not. I thought we should all be changing not just me because I had a different experience but it seems that way. It doesn't make me less proud of the changes I've gone through. 
During my time in South-Africa I became even more aware of cultural and social issues like racism, sexism and inequality. I also became more aware of how utterly ridiculous they are and how my and the following generations need to stand up and fight against them. We are the only ones that can change the world the way it is now and it is our duty to do so. We can and have to make the world a better place, starting with ourselves.

South-Africa was challenging but it was the best time of my life. It made me more aware of the world around me and allowed me to enjoy every single second I spend there. I got to work with the best colleagues and kids and live with the most interesting students. Let's not even start on the amazing sights and adventurers I got to go on whilst I was road-tripping through the country I used to call home. Yes South-Africa is amazing.

As the snow keeps falling down all I take comfort in are my cosy Christmas sweater and damping cup of tea whilst I keep looking at all the pictures of my time in South-Africa and remember the good times that used to be. 

Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96

One month left.

Hey guys!

Update number 2 from the beautiful city of Pretoria, South-Africa. 

I've been here for a little over two months now and still every day manages to amaze me. During the weekends I get to go on the most amazing trips, during the week I get to work with the most incredible children and in the evenings I get to hang out with the best housemates ever. 

My time here is running out and every outing and every day is becoming more and more valuable. Slowly I start to realise that I'm here for a set time only and the last day is running towards me with a terrifying speed. The idea of going home is not appealing at all, so let's not go there yet. Only the past and near future matter now.

This weekend I'll set for Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe with three Spanish friends, which will be absolutely incredible. But let's take a look back first. A throwback to some amazing events and lovely memories. 

Since my last blogpost in September I've said goodbye to my previous Spanish friends and welcomed a lot of new friends from various countries. I've been having a lot of fun with this new group and we've made some incredible memories already. To start with the chill evenings in the kitchen that are spend together. Then there was the night-drive through Pretoria our landlord hosted. We all went in the back of a pickup-truck and a lot of laughter, snacks and alcohol were involved. Driving through my current home city in such good company and in such a crazy atmosphere made me feel very blissful. A nice sense of peacefulness overcame me and I enjoyed every minute of it. 

Then there are the weekends or days away. Shopping, going out for ice-cream, visiting the food-market. Some more small but fun activities I've done during the weekends (with my housemates). But let's not forget the bigger activities like a weekend in Kruger with two nursing friends from Cape Town. The road-trip to Nelspruit was already crazy funny and the weekend continued on that note. The safari's we had were amazing, we saw basically all of the big five! Let me add that we did have to use some imagination to spot the leopard. The night-safari was quite a unique experience as it leaves a lot of animal spotting to the imagination.We ended that weekend with a day-trip to the Blyde Canyon, which happens to have some really interesting history. Sadly the weather blocked most of our views but it made it more of a unique experience. 
Let's end on last weekend. Hiking in Magaliesberg, swimming in natural pools, having a make shift Braai/ BBQ during a thunderstorm, and playing some awkward drinking games. 

 All of these weekends made a massive impression on me, they all gave me this silent moment during which I felt so thankful for having the opportunity to be here on a university and a medical note. I am so thankful for the people who helped me get here, helped me arrange all that was necessary, no matter how many tears were shed I would not ever take them back if it meant not having this experience now. The kids on my internship only adding to this experience through the endless amount of happiness and energy they share with me. 

Yes you could say I love it here, because I absolutely do and I cannot wait to see what more South-Africa has in store for me!

Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96

Ps. If you would like some video material from my trips here in South-Africa here is the link to my latest vlog on the Kruger weekend: VLOG (beware it's in Dutch)

Consciously living.

Hey guys!

A couple of years back I was positive I was going to end up living elsewhere. Away from my hometown, the further the better. It took me some time but here I am. Probably living the furthest from home I ever will. Living in South-Africa. Same timezone, different side of the equator. 

To be honest. It's a lot different from how I imagined it to be. First of all, it's temporary. Second of all, even though I never thought I would, I kind of start to miss home. When I say home I don't really mean my family, my mum, my dad. I do really miss my youngest sister though, no matter how much of a grumpy teenager she can be, she's still the younger version of myself. The only difference being the diabetes, and she actually likes the vampire diaries. We couldn't be that similar now could we. But most of all, I miss home. My own trusted environment and the structure it holds and the peace that brings me. 

Life here is different, the people are different and the culture is different. Adapting here wasn't the difficult part, it was pretty easy. The South-African way of life is much more easy going and slow paced than the Dutch way, and that is something I really like. The South-African way gives me more time to process, to take in everything and to live my life. It's settling here that is giving me my problems. This constantly nagging feeling in my stomach, leaving me feeling very uncomfortable at the strangest moments. Keeping me from enjoying my time here to the fullest. Rooting here, for however briefly that might be, is something I would love to do. To let go of my ties to home for a little while, to not be remembered of that return flight home but to just enjoy every day that passes instead of counting the days that are left. Can the glass be half full for just a day? That would be great.

For some reason my heart and mind have lost touch of each other. The heart trying it's hardest to escape the iron grip my mind has gotten on my life. Conscious living I call it, but not the good kind of conscious. It's the being aware of your every step, your every breath kind of conscious. The one that won't let you enjoy what you are doing, whether that is taking in the most beautiful views or interacting with the most incredible wildlife. Not even planning my holiday road trip could make me feel joy, or excitement. It's as if my heart, my feelings have been captured, not able to move around, not able to make me feel no matter how desperately I want to. No. My mind has taken over and it has me counting every step I take. It's driving me crazy.

South-Africa is definitely the best choice I ever made and I love being here and doing all these crazy things. To be a teacher, to meet new people, do crazy things. It's the best time of my life but something is holding me back and it makes me feel so utterly frustrated. Maybe just maybe, my mind will realise how ridiculous it's been behaving, that I don't need to be kept closed off from my feelings like this. That I am allowed to feel, to love, to get hurt, to feel sad. It's okay. It's totally fine and I am ready for my mind to realise this. 

I will keep you updated.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96

A month in South-Africa

Hey guys!

So I've been pretty absent again. Mind the again. But I'm back for now. It's just that I really love having a space to write down all my thoughts and adventures but the space I created is not how I want or like it anymore. For now it'll have to do but I'm thinking of redesigning my blog, the idea of my blog and what I want to do with it. So keep an eye out for that in the future. 

*snaps fingers* Back to the present.

As the title subtly gives away I have been in South-Africa for a month now. Renée why are you in South-Africa?! Well let me explain, for the entirety of my last school year I have been busy getting into and preparing myself for an internship abroad. This has always been a dream of mine and the opportunity to go on one was actually one of the reasons for me to choose the university I'm currently in. So when the chances finally presented themselves I jumped upon them. It took a lot of sweat and tears to get in but look where I am! 


Right now I am living and doing my internship in Pretoria, and I am in love with this city. It's definitely on the list of favourite cities I've visited so far! The internship I'm on is with TLF (Tshwane Leadership Foundation), TLF has different projects and the ones I'm working on are Inkululeko and Potter's House. Inkululeko being a preschool where I support the teachers and give my own lessons. Potter's House being a shelter for vulnerable women who left their home situations for different reasons. Both really interesting and challenging as a nurse as the things I can do there as a nurse are much less obvious than my fellow students having their internship with disabled people or in hospitals. But I love the challenges I'm faced with and the creative thinking that I have to do to succeed here. It's absolutely brilliant! 

Than there is the city itself. Even though I have been here for a month already I've not seen too much of Pretoria yet, and still I'm already in love with the city. There's so much to do and explore in Pretoria but also Johannesburg and the surroundings. What I have been doing is a safari, visiting South-Africa's biggest theme park, and hanging out at a local foodmarket 20 minutes from my accommodation. The easy going South-African atmosphere has got me hooked, and an unsafe feeling isn't something I've come to experience here yet, thankfully. The accommodation I'm staying at is called F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Yes it is written like the TV show, but the name honours itself. It's an accommodation aimed at foreign students and it has a lot of options to hang out by yourself or together. As we also have a social manager here who organises hikes or dinners you get to know your housemates quite easily and during this month I have grown rather fond of them. I love this accommodation and the people I'm staying here with. I have definitely made friends here already. 

         


One month down, 2.5 more to go and I can not wait to see what they will bring! If you have the option to go abroad on an internship or travel abroad for a long time I can't do anything else than recommend it to you! It has been a great experience so far and it will only get better! Besides just going abroad I would also like to recommend South-Africa and especially Pretoria to you. Some might say Cape Town is the place to be here but I disagree, Pretoria has so much to offer and there are so many incredible things to do and see nearby. Swaziland and Kruger are only a three hour drive, the nature here is amazing, a lot of national park and safari options are nearby, plus it's South-Africa's political centre and it holds a lot of history. What more to say than visit Pretoria if you get the chance!

For my time here I decided to vlog so I will put the links to my vlogs down here for you to watch: (mind you, the spoken ones are in Dutch but please feel welcome to add subtitles to them to make them more accessible for non-Dutch speakers as well)

• Vlog 1: A bad beginning.
• Vlog 2: Table Mountain.
• Vlog 3: A week in Cape Town.
• Vlog 4: Internship week 1.

Catch up with you soon!

Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96