Hiya!
I've been back for over two months now. Slowly but surely South-Africa is turning into a fading memory, an ever so fond one. Not a day goes by without I think back at that amazing experience. Every day a photo that was taken during those four months comes up and takes me back to the exact moment it was taken. Incredible memories around every corner, and it makes closing that period so damn difficult.
I spent four months in Pretoria, South-Africa. Possibly the best four months of my life. It was my first ever trip like this. I went on a roadtrip with friends (and my sister), changed from nurse to teacher, lived on my own (kinda with only 10 other students), and just had the best time ever. All the new people I met with such inspirational stories, the new places I visited, the different kinds of food I tried, the new cultures I dived into. So many new things I can barely fathom them, still.
During those months my comfort zone was nonexistent. I've never lived in the moment as much as then. No worrying about tomorrow or next week, hell I didn't even take a glance at what I would be doing the next year. To live in the moment was my favourite thing. It was just that day and what had to be done that day. Even if not all of those things got done the world just kept spinning and I just postponed it to the day after. In South-Africa things were easier, the world even seemed like a better place there. Just me, my amazing internship and even better housemates.
But now I'm back, back to the tiny village that I have called my home since birth. The town where my roots are. However, when I left for South-Africa those roots got cut loose and ever since I came back I haven't been able to feel grounded. It feels as if I'm floating just a few centimetres above the ground. I'm back with all these familiar things yet they feel utterly strange. Like I've never seen them before. It is as if all my roots have disappeared and I'm lost.
Back home the world has picked up it's pace, it's spinning ten times faster than before. I'm freaking out, I can't keep up. I run and run, trying to keep up with everything I have to do today, tomorrow, and next week. My mind isn't in the moment it's on next year and it feels so strange. Life has never been this chaotic before and I hate it. Every day I miss South-Africa a little more, it's easiness, my life and friends there, and how today was today and not next year.
There is so much stuff going on in my life that I don't even know where to start. I've never felt this lost before and without my roots there is nothing holding me in place. I'm being pushed in every direction, task to task, deadline to deadline. No place gives me a sense of peace. My head is spinning endlessly. I can't go on like this, I need my roots back. But where have they gone? My hometown has lost them.
Somewhere there is a place for me? Where, I have not a clue. If you know, please give me a heads up. Until then I'll keep running after my life, without even a sense of control of it. I'll follow it where ever it will lead me. Hopefully to a place I can touch the ground again. Where my roots will start to grow further and further in the ground. A place where I am in control of my life again, instead of it constantly passing me by. A time where South-Africa will be more than a sad memory.
I can't wait for that!
ThatDutchGirl96
Saturday, 10 February 2018
Wednesday, 7 February 2018
It's not a phase mum.
Hiya!
And welcome back for another random update on my peculiar life with even worse life choices.
Basically welcome to the blog of your stereotypical millennial/ gen-Z kid.
When I was about eleven years-old I got into this musical phase and it got like really bad. There was this musical for which they broadcasted the entire auditioning and rehearsal process. That's where it all went wrong. Every Saturday or Sunday I was plastered to the television. I became obsessed, I knew everything about this musical, about the actors in it, their characters and my vocabulary became nearly limited to the album lyrics. It was bad okay, and to make it worse the musical was a huge hit and went on for about four years or so. During those four years I kept following the musical, the cast (changes) and everything there was to find about it. I even wrote some really embarrassing letters to my parents on why they had to take me to see the musical. Even as it was about to close, at this point I was fifteen, FIFTEEN. And as the musical had it's finale performance, good old Renée spent the night crying as she never even got to see it live on stage, the musical that she spent over four years obsessing over. It was a sad day.
Then I thought the phase would pass, and oh how did my parents hope the same. I bet their hopes were higher than mine. All my friends were becoming more of your typical teenagers, like come on we were fifteen. Some already had boyfriends, others had already kissed. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that their interests became very different to mine. As my musical phase continued when another musical started to hit the theatre, and then another. At this point I was sixteen and over and printed photo's of my favourite cast members and musicals in my school diary. So yeah, my parents hopes for a normal teenager were crushed and I officially became a theatre nerd. A proud one so to speak.
At around the age of 18 I finally got out of my musical phase, and dived straight into a movie/ series phase. Yeah, not really making any progress. Apart from printing photo's of cast members and either putting them on my walls or in my diary nothing really changed. So much for getting my parents hopes up again. However now I'm 21, going on 22 and my series/ movie obsession is mostly over. Now before you start clapping and getting hopeful like my parents let me explain.
What has happened is that I basically lost a lot of time to watch movies/ series because 1. I'm graduating, 2. I discovered the existence of musical movies and musicals again. Blame Dear Evan Hansen and the Greatest Showman. Getting back to the good old days where I'm belting out songs from cast albums (badly), trying the choreographies (equally as badly) and maybe the worst one, not wanting to remove my earphones to socialise at the dinner table because my priorities are on the Broadway cast albums.
Long story short, we're back where we started it's not a phase but just my personality! I'm a theatre nerd and I'm still very proud of it! However much I was shamed for it by friends and family during the previous one it was of no use. The world may know I'm a theatre nerd, no more secretly listening to cast albums in public spaces, keeping all of it off the grid. Nope, I'm out there, posting pictures of the Newsies Live on my instagram, 80% of my tweets existing of Broadway mentions. I love musicals, I love singing, dancing and acting even though I'm really bad at all three of them, and I love almost everything on Broadway, West End, hell even the Dutch productions!
My obsession leaves only one problem. Apart from that one friend of mine, there is no one to share my love for musicals with. So are you a fellow theatre nerd, or do you just love musicals. Send me a message and we can be fangirls together!!! (I know I should not be like this anymore but hey I'm a millennial and I'm problematic as it is)
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
And welcome back for another random update on my peculiar life with even worse life choices.
Basically welcome to the blog of your stereotypical millennial/ gen-Z kid.
When I was about eleven years-old I got into this musical phase and it got like really bad. There was this musical for which they broadcasted the entire auditioning and rehearsal process. That's where it all went wrong. Every Saturday or Sunday I was plastered to the television. I became obsessed, I knew everything about this musical, about the actors in it, their characters and my vocabulary became nearly limited to the album lyrics. It was bad okay, and to make it worse the musical was a huge hit and went on for about four years or so. During those four years I kept following the musical, the cast (changes) and everything there was to find about it. I even wrote some really embarrassing letters to my parents on why they had to take me to see the musical. Even as it was about to close, at this point I was fifteen, FIFTEEN. And as the musical had it's finale performance, good old Renée spent the night crying as she never even got to see it live on stage, the musical that she spent over four years obsessing over. It was a sad day.
Then I thought the phase would pass, and oh how did my parents hope the same. I bet their hopes were higher than mine. All my friends were becoming more of your typical teenagers, like come on we were fifteen. Some already had boyfriends, others had already kissed. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that their interests became very different to mine. As my musical phase continued when another musical started to hit the theatre, and then another. At this point I was sixteen and over and printed photo's of my favourite cast members and musicals in my school diary. So yeah, my parents hopes for a normal teenager were crushed and I officially became a theatre nerd. A proud one so to speak.
At around the age of 18 I finally got out of my musical phase, and dived straight into a movie/ series phase. Yeah, not really making any progress. Apart from printing photo's of cast members and either putting them on my walls or in my diary nothing really changed. So much for getting my parents hopes up again. However now I'm 21, going on 22 and my series/ movie obsession is mostly over. Now before you start clapping and getting hopeful like my parents let me explain.
What has happened is that I basically lost a lot of time to watch movies/ series because 1. I'm graduating, 2. I discovered the existence of musical movies and musicals again. Blame Dear Evan Hansen and the Greatest Showman. Getting back to the good old days where I'm belting out songs from cast albums (badly), trying the choreographies (equally as badly) and maybe the worst one, not wanting to remove my earphones to socialise at the dinner table because my priorities are on the Broadway cast albums.
Long story short, we're back where we started it's not a phase but just my personality! I'm a theatre nerd and I'm still very proud of it! However much I was shamed for it by friends and family during the previous one it was of no use. The world may know I'm a theatre nerd, no more secretly listening to cast albums in public spaces, keeping all of it off the grid. Nope, I'm out there, posting pictures of the Newsies Live on my instagram, 80% of my tweets existing of Broadway mentions. I love musicals, I love singing, dancing and acting even though I'm really bad at all three of them, and I love almost everything on Broadway, West End, hell even the Dutch productions!
My obsession leaves only one problem. Apart from that one friend of mine, there is no one to share my love for musicals with. So are you a fellow theatre nerd, or do you just love musicals. Send me a message and we can be fangirls together!!! (I know I should not be like this anymore but hey I'm a millennial and I'm problematic as it is)
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
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