Hello,
Lately I got stuck. Stuck in my body, stuck in my brain, stuck in my life. It's like all the joy and optimism that used to run through my body has drained. Every last bit of it, gone leaving a huge black void.
I hate it, I thought I had dealt with that in my past and that it would be over now, that I could handle the black void inside of me. Wrong, I got stuck again. Incapable of going forward but oh so capable to go back to my past. Dwell over memories, some better than others however mostly bad ones. The black void started to swallow more and more good memories leaving me with only the horrors of my past. Huge mistakes, big regrets and unfortunate accidents.
This was also the reason there was no blog last week. I couldn't write. I couldn't find the energy, the inspiration. My mind had gone blank, nothing excited me anymore, all colours gone like they never existed. Life went by while I stood still, screaming, slamming my fists against the walls of the cage in which I was held captive. Despite the time that had passed since the last time I got trapped in that cage there were still visible signs of my stay. These signs and the horrors of my past were driving me insane. Rolling down an endless hill.
Unable to write, stuck as I was, the void kept growing. Feeding on my thoughts along with new memories. Enjoying it's increasing size and power. It had taken over most of my mind in only a couple of days. Leaving me with 0.0 concentration, willpower and energy and a thousand things I still had to do. Rolling down, rolling down. The hill got bigger, it was huge and I was small. It was strong and I was weak. With every meter I rolled down I saw signs of my previous falls yet there were also signs of me getting back up. Climbing up the hill, beating the void and shrink it to it's original size. These signs, the signs of me getting back up, slowly stopped me. Keeping me from rolling down.
Yes eventually I got back up. Not alone, no the mountain had grown too high for that. Friends helped me, brought me my climbing gear and climbed up the mountain with me. Picking up the inspiration, the concentration and the willpower I had lost. Bringing colour back in my life. I am almost at the top. Life is colourful again and it is beautiful. The void will never leave although for now it is small again. I will feed it with bad memories whenever I gain a good one. We are both happy now.
So please remember, no matter how bad your situation is right now it will get better. It always gets better! Never forget that!
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
Hello,
Here it is... My very, very delayed blog. I truly am sorry for not uploading last week however it means there will be two blogposts this week!
Let's get this started. Personally I am a big fan of learning. Diving into unknown subjects storing every weird fact there is to find about it. Broadening my knowledge of a wide range of subjects. Subjects chosen at random. Subjects that caught my attention by seeing a picture of it somewhere or hearing someone on the other side of the room talking about it. All of them chosen at random yet all just as important. Some fictional some real, some from this world others from outer space. Curiosity is the word for it, I believe. The weird invisible force that drives you to discover things that are yet unknown to you. A word and a feature some people lack because without curiosity you will never learn, you will never go somewhere and you will never discover magical things.
For me this already started at a very young age. Whenever I found something that got my interest I just had to know as much about it as possible. Every single little weird fact seemed important. So now my head is full the weirdest and uncommonly known facts imaginable. (Great for at parties though.)
For example I've read every book our local library had on sharks. Which my family didn't really thank me for as on a holiday to France I informed them on every kind of shark that lives in the Mediterranean sea. The sea that was near our campsite, the sea we would be visiting very often with my sister whom is terrified of sharks.
Back to the subject of curiosity. As a baby you were possibly the most curious of your whole lifespan. Babies have only been on this planet, in this universe, in a specific environment for a very short time. Not yet knowing what is going on, what the rules are. These tiny humans don't really know anything yet so they have super much to learn. Everything is new to them and driven by the force of curiosity they encounter new things, touch them and sometimes even put in their mouths. Curiosity is also the thing that get's them to roll over, sit up, crawl and eventually stand up, walk and run. The older you become the more you know and that's, I think, where curiosity starts to fade. The more you (think) you know the less (you think) there is left to find out, to discover. And when puberty kicks in you think you know everything, that the world is all in your hand and you've already seen every aspect of life. Reality check, you haven't even started kid.
So there are always new things to learn, new things to discover, places to see, people to meet. There are reasons we still need scientists. We don't even know half of what happens in the seas and oceans. Don't lose your curiosity, keep searching for new things that you might like. Go outside, take a walk and look around you. There are so many things that seem very common to you since you most likely see them everyday. Stop and think, what do you actually know about those things? Nothing? Do you want to? Are you bored? Good, go online, go to the library and look those things up. Gather knowledge about them and let curiosity lead you.
Lots of love,
ThatDutchGirl96
